Confession...

So since the majority of people who read my blog are family they obviously know that I grew up in a Mormon home. I don't know what to classify myself as these days...not Mormon so much but not anything else either. The old term "Jack Mormon" doesn't seem to apply because I don't go to church or necessarily know what I believe when it comes to the religion as a whole. It's just part of who I am at this point. When people ask what religion I am I usually respond with "I grew up Mormon"..."I used to be Mormon"..."my whole family is Mormon"...or simply "I don't go to Church". I don't really consider myself Mormon since a requirement of that means going to church and following all the rules of the roost so to speak. I don't know how to explain it really.

I guess an example could be like hair color. This makes sense to me because #1 I am known for coloring my hair quite a bit in the past and #2 I don't currently have a hair color anywhere near my natural color. So I am naturally blonde. For my whole life I have had a dirty blonde hair color...usually hidden beneath whatever color it happens to be at the moment. When I see pictures of myself as a kid I have blonde hair...So I guess you would say "I am a blonde". When I think of myself I usually think of myself as a blonde I suppose, but I am not blonde and I have not been blonde in a really long time. Does this make sense? And to further the analogy even more, when I have been blonde in recent years...it's not the blonde I was born with...it's not the blonde that grows in at the root. It's part of who I am, who I used to, who I grew up knowing but it's not necessarily who I am today...but I know it's part of me. I guess I kinda feel that way about being Mormon. I think when you are raised a specific way, and being Mormon is very specific, you can't help but have certain aspects of your way of thinking be forever influenced by it. Like how I am 30 years old and I feel like I am really old to not be married and I definitely thought I would have more than 1 child by this age. But the topic of this post is not Religion. I guess I used it as a segway into the real topic...Caffeine...lots and lots of Caffeine.

So as you know Mormons are not supposed to drink or do drugs. And growing up I was always told that Caffeine was a drug and since it tends to be in a lot of pain relief medication I guess this is true. So this means that growing up I was not supposed to have any soda with caffeine in it. So basically no brown soda...well with the exception of Root Beer. I remember the first time I had Coca Cola. The neighbors across the street from us "the Almonds" invited me to go to the movies with them...they had 3 girls, one my age. I remember we went to see the movie "Hot to Trot"...which was something about a talking horse. Anyways with the popcorn and candy there also came a fountain drink and it was Coke. I didn't know what it was when I took a swig...I don't think I even realized there were other sodas besides sprite and root beer. And it tasted good!!!! I don't remember if I told my parents about it or not. But it would still be a few years away before I would really develop "feelings" for Coca Cola Classic.

Starting in 4th grade and up to about 10th Grade I had a best friend named Danielle. She was basically an only child since her only sibling was like 12 or 15 years older than her. I played with Danielle everyday, spent the night over almost every weekend. She had a pool and her Dad worked for the Sacramento Kings and we would go to games and run around in the back of the Arco Arena or up in her dad's office. Danielle also always had Coke. ALWAYS!!!!! There was always a ton of it in the fridge and we would just drink it like water. I don't think my mom ever knew and it's not like she could have stopped me from drinking it when she wasn't around. That is when I would say I really became a caffeine drinker. And by jr high and high school I would say most Mormon kids drink caffeinated sodas, even though technically you aren't supposed to. It was like ehhhh not huge on the sin list for teenagers...there were bigger things to worry about. But it was always just soda...energy drinks didn't come on the scene til much later and of course "coffee" was like "the devil". It was like the main concensus that by not drinking caffeine they really meant...don't drink coffee...it was like sodas didn't count.

And here we arrive at the confession... I like and drink Coffee...and the Mormon in me feels so ashamed of this, lol.

After high school and after becoming inactive in church I never had friends or roommates who were Coffee drinkers so I never much thought about it. I also spent my Senior year of high school making pot after pot of Coffee for the Lawyers office I worked at and the smell of it just grossed me out. Then one day about 3 years ago while I was working in Santa Barbara at a swanky hotel one of my co-workers was like "hey I'm running to Starbucks do you want anything"...I was thinking ummmmm panic...what do I say? I tried to refuse but she insisted and insisted and finally I racked my brain for the name of something at a Coffee Shop so I didn't seem like an uncool, unsophisticated geek...."ummmm okay a small Carmel macciatto". This was a drink a former co-worker at WalMart would always order...I had no idea what it was but if there was carmel in it...it should be at least sweet right? She brought it back and it was not great to be honest. But I drank it because I didn't want to hurt her feelings or feel left out. And then I would drink Coffee here and there when it was offered because it did seem to zing you awake...it had a much more awakening affect than just soda. But I would not say I really was a coffee drinker...yet, nor did I enjoy the taste if it.

Then I got pregnant..so I didn't drink it. But after being pregnant I was of course living with Mitch's family and I was once again offered it. And I also discovered something that made it taste much better. Coffee Creamer flavored with an array of different things. I started to drink Coffee the way the family teased Mitch's mom about..."sandbar bottom" which basically means coffee with creamer and a ton of sugar...hence the "sandy bottom". It began to taste better to me and I appreciated it's ability to wake me up. And that was it. However my family didn't know it and anytime it accidentally came up I felt really embarrassed. I remember last year at the family vacation in Tahoe my brother needing to find a wifi connection and I said there was probably one at Starbucks up the street...then Mitch said "oh yeah Emily you could get a coffee since you have been missing it all week". Everyone looked at me...or it felt like everyone looked at me in shock and I felt so embarrassed. But seeing how my brother and dad have periods of time when they live on energy drinks I don't know why I felt so judged since Coffee probably has less caffeine than Redbull or Rockstar or Monster. I mean my family knows that there were points in my life where I drank alcohol frequently...I mean I obviously have a child out of wedlock so you can do the math on that. But for some reason the Coffee thing felt so shameful.

Here is why...I think. I think Coffee seems like such a normal habit type of a thing. Something Mormons just don't do. And maybe seeing me as a Coffee drinker really paints a picture of a different kind of life. And obviously I do have different life. I guess maybe the realization of that is what really makes me feel guilty. That maybe it's not just about being stubborn or rebellious maybe I just won't ever be "blonde" again...the idea that that probably hurts my family makes me feel bad because it isn't a topic I have ever really addressed, nor want to address with them. I know they aren't "giving up on me"...but I don't always understand why they feel the need to hold on to that so much. I guess to me it doesn't feel like something that matters...I don't know. But there you go....

I LIKE COFFEE!

Whoa 2 posts in 2 days...who am I these days?

So about 6 months ago my Grandma Charlene moved out of her house in Carmichael California to a retirement community in Utah. She waited to do anything with the house or the things in it until all her kids could come out in the summer and decide what things they wanted to have and then filter down the rest to the grandkids. Since I am the only grandchild to live in the area I got to have my pick of what remained after all my Aunts and Uncles took what they wanted.

I got quite a lot considering most of everything worth having was already gone. I got this funky 70's bedroom set that I will probably paint at some point and use in Olivia's room once she is done with the crib. Which will probably be never since Olivia having free will when it comes to being in bed sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I got a little curio cabinet, you know for all my old lady knickknacks...wait I don't have old lady knickknacks...hmmm still don't know what I'm going to do with it. I got a bunch of old Correlle dishes, teacups, and bowls. Grandma also had these really old vintage TV trays that I never remember seeing anyone use they just sat folded up behind the couch in the TV room...I took those, all four. I hung up 2 as pictures and kept the other 2 for trays. I found an old mother and child framed painting I had never seen hung anywhere in Grandma's house. It didn't even look like something a Mormon would have...it looks very Madonna and child-ish...very Catholic looking. Since I like Catholic art and since I guess we have a half Jack Mormon Half Catholic home I took it. I also took these little wooden landscape pictures I also have never seen before and hung them up in my living room. My dad came over and instantly recognized them as pictures that hung from his Grandmother's house. My great grandmother, who we called Grammie. Who lived until I was about 14, at the ripe old age of 98. I got a little candy dish that my mom says is "depression glass", it's kinda an amber color. I know my other grandma also has the same dish in the classic olive green color. I got an old Kitchenaid mixer in a lovely 70's yellow color. I picked up some old canister/cookie jars with some old mushroom design. An old crystal lamp that was also from my Grammie's house. I found some old snoopy twin sheets and pillowcase that looked as if they has never been used and I took those since ya know Mitch loves Snoopy. The old taxidermy stuffed great white snow owl. One of the things I wanted most of all was a few afghans my Grammie made. I didn't get the one I really wanted but I got 2 others that I love just the same.

Which brings me to where I took a really long time to where I wanted to get to...the subject of the post...

Grammie and her croqueting. I remember Grammie teaching me how to croquet...well kinda anyway, all I could do was one long chain. And seeing these afghans in my house everyday has made me really curious as to whether I could do one of my own. I mean how does one learn this without someone to teach you? And who could teach me? I kinda suck at knitting and it's not the same thing right? I don't know...I guess being a stay at home mom these days has inspired me to want to have some sort of crafty hobby. Maybe learn to sew better...knit and now I really really want to make an afghan.

So anyone out there want to teach me? And sorry for no pictures...too lazy to take any...maybe one day?

Just me and the Kid...

Since I am no longer working it's just me and Olivia. All. Day. Every. Day. Just me and her. It has been an adjustment, not that I worked that many hours...but having a set time away from her 3-4 days a week was like having something to look forward to when she is having fits or repeating the same phrase over and over. How the volume of her voice takes up all available space in the house and also in my head. She seems to be at a very busy age, a very LOUD age. She also seems to be so needy. And it's always me she needs, even if Mitch is home "Mommy" has to do everything. If Mitch gets her up from a nap, up in the morning the first thing she says is, "Where's my Mommy, I need my Mommy". I think it annoys Mitch because even when he was the one home with her and I worked she never ever was as attached to him...which secretly makes me feel like "nah nah nah nah nah, she likes me better". At the same time it's SOOOOOOOO annoying that even at times when Mitch could help out, she demands to see me, demands to have me make her breakfast, give her a bath, change her diaper, read her stories, put her in the carseat. Mommy! MOmmy! MOMmy! MOMMy! MOMMY!!!!!!!

She loves me the most...which I love and appreciate...and honestly sometimes question why? I don't feel all that exciting these days but she loves me. I feel like my hair is never done, my clothes rarely change from what I slept in the night before, I am constantly telling her to stop, to listen, to use words instead of grunting when she is mad...why does she love me? Why does she prefer my company to anyone else?

Then I had a thought. "Mommyitis". This was a word my dad used growing up to refer to the all consuming need I had to be near my Mother. I have very vivid memories of when she would go out of town and I would cry and scream and literally beg her not to leave me. I was usually in the care of my Dad and brother or a neighbor or a best friends' family. The thought that she was not going to be exactly where I needed her, whenever I needed her...terrified me. This I remember being the case well into the age of probably 11 or 12. I remember once writing her a letter complete with illustrations of her beauty imploring her not to go.

After remembering all this I wondered exactly what changed, when did it happen? When was I no longer so attached to her? I can't remember. I mean I love my mother but we are very different people as I became an adult. Which is fine but also can cause me to be short in the patience department when she says something or does something that annoys me. Or when I enter into one of my periods of wanting to just be a hermit and be alone and she shows up at the door. And I feel unprepared for the visit and instantly become crabby and rude and irritated. But I love my mom...despite what she probably thinks or feels a lot of the time. And that makes me feel bad...but I feel pretty set in my ways and I am my father's daughter. Meaning naturally prone to feeling pretty somber a lot of times...feeling like I sometimes just don't want to be around anyone else except for myself.

Then I began to wonder when it would happen with Olivia. When would she need me less and prefer her own company or the company of her friends instead of mine? It seems to be a female trait more than a male trait. I think sons probably never feel the same pulling away from their mothers the way daughters do. Maybe I am wrong. But I have nephews and I can't ever imagine them getting annoyed with their mother the way a daughter would. My oldest nephew is almost 12 and while I see that he is grown up in a way that he probably gets embarrassed when I tease him or hug him or kiss him...he seems to sense that I need him to still be my little baby nephew and he puts up with it. They say that girls mature faster than boys but I think that boys probably have a sixth sense when it comes to that aspect of growing up. I think they know that their parents or aunts or uncle need to be able to tease them and cuddle them and they just kinda put up with it....in a way a 12 year old girl never would. I wonder why that is...

And then I felt sad. Sad that Olivia would one day no longer need me to be her everything. And I guess that maybe I should not feel so annoyed when she is constantly at my side, always wanting me and no one else.

Confessions of a frazzled mind...

The post title is like a play on words to one of my favorite movies..."Confessions of a Dangerous Mind"....such a good movie! I love Sam Rockwell! Worth checking out definitely! Family members should check and see if their is an edited version because I know there is some "Lovemakin" and probably most certainly foul language, not that I'd notice...yeah terrible I know!

I feel like such a loser lately! I have been working alot and Mitch is home all day long since he has not been working. This basically means that I went from cleaning up after a 2 year old morning noon and night to cleaning up after the equivalent of 4two year olds...Mitchell is that messy. And he drags out crap that I had stored away or that he recently picked up from the parents moving away. So there is just stuff EVERYWHERE!!!!! I feel like my house is always a mess, the laundry is never done and no one ever helps me. And by no one I basically just mean Mitchell since obviously Olivia isn't all that capable of cleaning. I just feel so exhausted!!!! At work I mostly just do the closing shift which means....you guessed it! MORE CLEANING UP!!!!

Now don't get me wrong Petroglyph is the easiest and most "chill" job I have ever had, look at me using words like "chill"...working with teenagers is definitely rubbing off on me, lol. But when I close every shift and do the same exact same things....every.single.night. It just gets old!!! Especially when I have to do much of the same crap at home before I come into work or after I get home. Wash the paint tiles, clean the paintbrushes, wipe the counters, sweep the wood floor, spot mop, clean the bathroom...ALL I DO IS CLEAN!!!!! Then there is filling the paints, which when I first started everyone complained about hating it and I felt like it was kinda a nice "zone out" task....now it's just annoying. Then re-stocking the shelves...this I actually don't mind. This is actually kinda fun to arrange the hodgepodge of figurines, piggy banks, plates, cups, mugs, teapots, butter dishes, etc on the shelves for sale. We just got in a bunch of Easter junk...I wanna paint a bunch of those little Easter eggs because they are just so cute!!!

Urghhhh but I feel burnt out. I just feel like all I do is work and clean and clean at work and work at cleaning at home! I am so tired and so annoyed that Mitchell never cleans anything up after himself. I feel like if I am working, which traditionally should be his job than he can be a little nontraditional at home dad and do the cleaning once and a while. He says he's going to...always says he's gonna do it, this time...yet never does!!!! I come home and I'm tired. Not really because work is super demanding because alot of the time it's actually pretty mellow...more of the fact that I go to bed WAY TOO LATE. Then I just feel tired all day and then can't seem to make myself go to bed even when I am tired. I come home to the hurricane mess in my house and just feel myself giving up urgh..I don't wanna clean, I'll do it later. It's just this cycle that seems to be repeating all the time.

Before when Mitchell was working, usually out of town 5 days a week, my house was spotless. I liked cleaning then because for the most part it stayed clean and that was encouraging. Cleaning up took little effort because it was well maintained. Also when I had babysitters I felt like the house needed to be neat when they came over. Now I clean before work and come home and it's a mess again...I never get to feel the peace of the clean house because I leave and come back to Mitchell using every dish we own to cook some weird dinner and every cup used because he can't seem to manage just using the same one throughout the day. Toys everywhere...diapers on the floor of the bathroon needing to be thrown out. OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! I AM LOSING MY MIND just thinking about it.

Also I feel so tired all the time that I just feel like I am not being very attentive to Olivia. I can't talk about it...makes me feel too guilty. I feel like a bad mother because I feel super impatient with her at times...I don't lose my temper or anything...it's not like I get frustrated with her. It's more I just prefer her to play by herself so I can actually get some crap done!!! I'm terrible because I see that she misses me...she was used to me being with her all the time and now I am usually gone by the time she gets up from her nap. I go to bed missing her, wanting to hug her and kiss her chubby cheeks and hold her sticky hands...then when she sounds her "I'm awake alarm" in the morning I just wish she'd go back to sleep so I didn't have to get up!!! Just 30 more minutes Olivia Mama watched a late movie last night!!!

Solutions? Anyone....anyone?

"Another head aches, another heart breaks

I'm so much older than I can take. And my affection, well it comes and goes. I need direction to perfection....no, no, no....help me out"....

I've been listening to the Killers a lot lately. I never was a fan enough to get past "Hot Fuss" but it reminds me of a simpler time. It reminds me of Mitchell. It reminds me of when we were new and I was so in love with him. Not that I don't love him now but new love is so much more memorable and sappy than everyday love. He worked at a record store and he would bring me all kinds of new music he thought I would like, or he would find some really rare album of a favorite band. One of my favorite bands of all time is Queen. I remember he bought a copy of some really famous Queen Concert and we watched it one night all cozied up on his twin bed in his parents house, LOL. Another time he surprised me with tickets to see the Violent Femmes in concert. They don't tour very often, they getting older and it was super exciting to see them live.....I LOVE THE FEMMES!!!!!! They were SOOOOOO GOOD too! I actually found my wrist bracelet the other day in a box of old crap from that concert....awwww that was a really fun night.

(this pic is about 4 years ago...isn't that beard funny? he was shaving off a whole beard and thought it would be funny to leave it like this for a few days)

I cannot believe we have been together for almost 8 years! I have known him for like 12 years. I have always really liked Mitchell. Mitch has ADHD and so he can be rather hard to deal with at times....especially when he was younger but for some reason when it comes to him I have always had alot of patience. And I'm not someone who is always very patient. I live with a 2 year old and Mitchell so beyond them the well runs pretty dry. He is impulsive and doesn't usually think before he speaks, he is always right about everything (just ask him, he'll tell you). He thinks....wait believes really, because I know he really believes it, that he always has a better idea or plan on how to execute most anything. From a PB and J sandwich to repairing a washing machine. He's bossy, messy, stubborn, a hypochondriac and obsessive. And he drives me crazy on a daily basis. But I love him. I think when you have been with someone for so many years and have had to deal with a lot of trials and unexpected challenges you can forget and take for granted that other person in your life. Lately I don't know what happened but I feel such overwhelming love for him.

(This is when we first started dating. I told him I liked his hair long and he didn't cut it again for almost 2 years)

And before it seems like all I have mentioned about Mitchell is bad qualities let me mention his good qualities. He is really smart he can and does fix anything and everything. The older Olivia gets the better he gets with her. I feel like the older she gets the crazier she makes me. He is really patient with her long after I often feel like I could pull my hair out cause she is driving me insane! He is brave and is good at facing challenges head on when I would rather crawl under the bed and pretend I'm invisible. He knows me really well, he knows when I'm really tired or hungry or PMSing. When he gives me a compliment about something it tends to be really thoughtful and observant and usually makes me cry. He is a dreamer while I tend to be too pessimistic to even think about dreaming. He's very loyal to me and to family. He tells me I'm pretty, even though I usually roll my eyes because since Olivia has arrived on the scene "pretty" is the last thing I see when I look at myself. He tells me that I'm a good mom. That is huge because some days when I have not gotten enough sleep. Days I feel like all I have said all day long is "No" and "stop" and "get down/off" and "don't do this or that"....those days when I can't remember if I've brushed my teeth or have been braless the entire day....on those days it's enough to makes me burst into tears.

(Baby Mitch...isn't he like to die for cute!)

I just love my Mitchella and I'm really enjoying that current revelation. I mean I knew I loved him but sometimes it's harder to remember you are in love with someone when they have peed all over the toilet seat, or left all their dirty clothes all over the bathroom floor or left out food the night before and now the ants have come back AGAIN!!!!! Not to mention the constant backseat driving comments or the nagging when I've used up all the hot water AGAIN!!!! :)

So here I proclaim to the Blogosphere....

"I love my boyfriend Mitchell Francis Benveniste"...

(This pic pretty much explains me and Mitch in a picture ha ha. me dazed and him crazy!)

Aren't you all jealous that while you've just got some old husband, I've got a boyfriend HA! I think it sounds more exciting and fresh, it's not lol. Believe me after 8 years he is a husband. I just seem to currently not mind so much that I don't have a husband....sometimes I even laugh at myself and call myself a housegirlfriend....like a housewife but again sounds so much more exotic don't you think?

Sometimes I just like to be alone...

"Sometimes I just like to be alone and think...think my thoughts"....ha ha what's the quote from? One of my most favorite TV shows of all time! Oh there is so much happening these days folks!!!! So much!

I'll break it down real quick for ya!

1. Mitch's parents and youngest sister Megan are moving to the bay area, Millbrae. It's about 15 minutes south of San Francisco.
2.Grandma Charlene moved to Utah.
3. Mitch's job has been out of contracts for almost 2 months now....which means no money....which means we are poor!!!
4. Mitch's heart has been acting funny and we are waiting on results from some new EKGs and blood tests.
5. Olivia has had a cold on and off since we moved into this house....which makes me wonder if there is something going on with this house that causes her health problems. I mean she isn't like super sick or anything....just a lingering cold that doesn't ever really seem to go away? But I guess it's also cold and flu season....idk, is it normal for a toddler to have so many colds? She hardly ever got sick when I lived with my parents.
6. Olivia is almost 2!!!!!!!!! what the hell!!!!?????
7. My sister Katie announced that she was pregnant....and due in August.

Okay so now you are up to speed I suppose. What do I want to elaborate on? The Benveniste move?

So when I first heard that the Benvenistes were moving, like a month ago, I felt like someone knocked the wind out of me. I don't like change, I don't like new things, different things....even when it doesn't seem like the change really affects me that intimately. I mean it's not me moving....but I just don't like it. I don't know why but the whole them moving 2 hours away really made me inexplicably sad for a while, still kinda sad about it. I guess maybe because I lived with them for a year and it was the first place Olivia lived it felt like my other home. It makes me sad that Olivia is used to seeing her grandparents whenever she wants and she is used to Megan being her main babysitter. I guess that changing is sad. And you know Mitch and I have been together a long time. I have been going over to visit with his family for like 8 years, the idea that they won't just be a short drive away...it makes me so sad. You know Mitch and I are not married...who knows if we ever will, but I really see Tony and Sue as parents. I see Mike, Karen, Ashley, Allison, Adam, Alyssa and Megan as my brothers and sisters. And you know I don't see all the siblings that often but Tony and Sue's house was the the gathering place where when everyone was there....it was home and it brought us all together. It was nice to have that place nearby.

I know it isn't the house that makes a family or home. But to me familiarity is a big deal and I was super familiar with that house; it's sounds, it's smells, it's furniture and wall hangings...I really loved the backyard. I don't know? Ever since I heard they were moving I think I have been subconsciously distancing myself from them. I just have not been going over there that often and I have not asked Megan to babysit in over a month. It just feels too sad to see the house all in boxes.....I want to get used to not having someone who can so easily babysit so I have not called Megan. This is how I am unfortunately....this is how I deal with change or people leaving....I keep myself away so it doesn't hurt so much when they go...."And a rock feels no pain and an island never cries".

Okay moving on....what else is worth detailing?

Well I don't really want to admit this....don't really want to talk about it....but I feel pretty weird about my sister being pregnant. Mitch asked me if I was jealous and I don't think it's exactly that so much, because I am happy for her, who doesn't love a new baby. But it's a feeling I'm sure is closely related to jealousy...like if jealously had a less intense more mellow, more sheepishly pathetic 2nd cousin....that's what I'm feeling. I'm not proud to admit it, it's stupid really. It's like a dull ache in my womb, in my ego. I don't think it's normal when younger siblings do things before you. I don't think anyone else can understand how it feels when a younger sibling gets married before you...unless they have also been an older unmarried sibling at that younger sibling's wedding. I know that if my brother called me up and told me my sister in law was pregnant I would not feel this way. I mean I did have a baby before Katie...much to my family's initial dismay that I got "Knocked up" and then didn't even get married! c'est la vie! I mean I knew that Katie would probably have another baby before I did....I mean I expected it for sure and wasn't surprised when she told me. My first thought was......."Oh I hope it's another boy"...ha ha. I mean I at least had that, I have the only granddaughter...I would like to ride that wave a little longer, I rarely have had the chance to feel like anything about me made me a little more "special" than my other siblings, especially Katie. This was my one thing...now I am sure it will be swept away when we all get the call announcing "It's a Girl"!!!!!! Ugh....Oh well! Katie if you are reading this, I hope you don't take it the wrong way. Whatever the sex of the baby I'm gonna be happy for you...You just don't understand what it's like to be the older less successful, fatter, unmarried sister. LOL.

When can I have another baby? SIGH.........probably never....this is where you all feel sorry for me!!!!!

THANKS!!!!!

Hello Internet

Well, Well, Well. Who's missed me? I know at least Jamie Golden Martin has! Shout out to Jamie! Anyways So much has happened since my last post. Where to begin? So there was Halloween and Olivia was an Owl, which is basically the best idea/cutest costume ever...well the octopus costume was pretty rad too. My Mom made the costume and she was so adorable that people actually asked to take pictures of her and there are rumors of it being all "abuzz" at the elementary school amongst the mothers. "Oh did you see that little girl dressed up as an Owl, that was the cleverest thing, so adorable". These so called rumors come to me by way of the neighbor across the street who unfortunately missed seeing the costume in person but heard other neighbors raving about it at the PTA or something equally as exciting having to do with elementary schools and mothers. So did you want me to come up with ideas for your child's costume? Cause I apparently have the awesomest ideas! I of course would have to meet the child and get a feel of whatever kind of animal/creature/princess/what have you they most resemble.




Olivia was the perfect little Owl. She said "WHOOOOOOO" at every door we came to and even tried opening the doors herself if they didn't hop to it right away! She got so much candy people just kept dumping in more and more. It got to be so heavy but she wouldn't let anyone hold carry it except for me and only after much coaxing and reassurance that I was just holding it for her. She walked around the block for a good hour and refused to be held even at the bitter end...which was kinda okay by me because that girl is no featherweight! She is so freaking heavy! she is not fat or chubby though, she is like pure muscle, it's crazy how strong this kid is already at almost 2 years old! So anyways yeah, Halloween was definitely more eventful this year seeing how her hypochondriac father refused to take her out in her costume last year because of the swine flu!

Next...we moved out, FINALLY! We live in a little 2 bedroom, 1 bath, 1 car garage home built in 1964. It's super cute and super retro looking with a pink and green tiled bathroom and green tiled kitchen. It has absolutely no carpet which is weird and nice and annoying all at the same time. Weird because most homes have at least carpeted bedrooms and nice because i don't have to worry about dirty carpets and annoying because i am always having to sweep and dust the floors! It's almost all the original wood floors except for the kitchen, dining room and bathroom which have old vintage green and white big tiled linoleum. I really love living here and since Mitchell travels so much with his job it's nice that so far I have felt super secure and safe being here alone with Olivia.

Okay what else? Well I have been working since like mid-October. Which I have conflicting feelings about. It usually ends up being like 25-30 hours a week, mostly evenings. I really like the job. Compared to all the jobs I have had...which have been quite a few, this job is definitely the easiest and most fun. I work at a ceramics studio "Petrogyph". Basically people come in and pick from our once fired greenware ceramics...plates, bowls, platters, mugs, cups, teapots, a large array of figurines and children's banks, etc. They get to paint it with as many colors of paints they desire and then once they are done turn them into us. We then glaze and fire the stuff and they get to return in 3-4 days to pick up their colorful shiny glass object.

Mitch's sister Ashley has worked there on and off for like a thousand years...okay maybe more like 8 years or something like that. His littlest sister Megan also works there, her and I are the newest members of the staff, but she has been there longer than me. So anyways I just basically assist customers with different techniques or ideas for their pieces. We also have quite a few birthday parties, girls nights, baby showers, office parties, etc going on every few days...it's a super fun job. I am officially the oldest person there...my boss is actually only a few months younger and then Ashley is 2 years younger and then the rest of the staff range from 18-20....so I get to feel like an old lady compared to these littles! Not to mention that most of them are like rail thin and like 5 feet tall! So yeah I feel like a giant most of the time ha ha.

I really like getting out of the house and getting a break from spending all day in pajamas being a mom...but at the same time I feel like it's kinda rough on Olivia. She doesn't really have a set babysitter, although most of the time it's Auntie Mickey (Megan). Megan is a Godsend...I literally don't know how I would be able to go to work without her, she always says "yes" and she seems to genuinely enjoy being with Olivia, even though I know Olivia is getting crazier and harder to watch by the day. Auntie Ashy and Auntie Aggie (Allison) have also helped to babysit too...but they aren't as young as Megan, I think Olivia wears them out, lol. And of course Sue and Tony have watched her when they can as well...otherwise if it's the weekend and Mitch is home, they get to hang out all day. I don't know...I feel like her first like 20 months of life I was with her everyday. I rarely left her with a babysitter and when I did it was usually when she was asleep for the night. I feel like she had such a set routine of how life was day to day and now everything is all crazy on the days I work. I know she loves her aunties and her grandparents and her daddy of course, but deep down I feel a huge amount of guilt that I should be the one taking care of her, I'm her mother. I can tell she sometimes gets stressed out with all the chaos and sometimes cries when I leave, which breaks my heart! But we need the money, so what can I do.

Moving on....what's next? Thanksgiving? Well Eric and Chelle and the boys came home for Thanksgiving which was super fun to have them all here, although I worked almost everyday they were in town and all three of us, Mitch, me and Olivia had a pretty wicked cold that is just now going away. We went to Grandma Charlene's house for Thanksgiving. Aunt Christie, Uncle Kip, Joy and her husband, Tim and his wife and Paul were there. And then Aunt Kris and her new husband and Lauren were there. And even Uncle Gary showed up for a few hours and then made his classic early getaway lol. It was really fun to see Joy and her girls, they are such pretty ladies! And Tim and his wife had a new baby. Also I had not seen Lauren since my babyshower and we had fun laughing at all the pictures of ourselves on the walls of the basement!






















Whoa picture overload! Ummmmm next Christmas obviously. It was busy busy at work and thankfully Mitch had the last 2 weeks of December off so he got to spend alot of time with Olivia cause I was working nearly everyday! It was nice to feel like I was doing more with my time other than watching Toy Story and playing with blocks. It is just nice to feel like "Emily" when I'm working not "MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA....I need this or that". I think I forgot I had an identity before getting this job. Although I can't say I feel like the same Emily I was before Olivia...which is becoming more and more okay the more time that passes.

Urghhhh I'm tired of this....I'll do a Christmas post later!