Today as I sat serenely on my bed with my baby against my chest nursing I thought I should write down everything about how she got here. With her tiny chubby little hand rested in the space between my breasts peacefully drifting off to sleep I felt so happy. It's funny to think she has been a part of me in one way or another for an entire year now. If I only knew a year ago how calm nursing my baby would make me feel maybe I would not have freaked out so much. Maybe I would have enjoyed my pregnancy more.
Is it weird that I know the day that Olivia was conceived? It was not planned by any means but knowing how safe things usually were and that one time it wasn't...well you can pretty much do the math on that one. Olivia went from that twinkle in my eye to a cell in my belly on June 14, 2008. How do I remember the date so well? I mean yes it's easy to remember a whoops but how do you remember the exact date? Well that's easy it was the night Mitchell graduated from the University of California Santa Barbara. And yes it's very weird to have pictures of us mere hours before a forever life-changing mishap occurred.
She is our little Gaucho Santa Barbara baby. A Gaucho is a South American cowboy (or girl) and also UCSB's mascot. Anyways I remember thinking..."crap, that wasn't the best idea", but honestly I wasn't really worried about it. For quite some time I thought that I would have trouble having kids or getting pregnant so this actually resulting in a baby was the furthest thing in my mind. Then about two weeks later I started to feel like something wasn't quite right. I felt really, really tired and my boobs were so sore. This typically happens before a period but this just felt different. I am not one to keep track of my periods, they come when they come, but I remember thinking back to when the last one took place. I couldn't remember. I knew I wasn't late but wanted to remember to know when I should expect the next one. Hmmmmmm then I remembered a conversation via email with Mitch's sister. I remember being really annoyed that day because of my period starting and I specifically mentioned it in the email. I went and checked the date...June 1st. It wasn't even July yet...don't panic until you have to I thought.
Then on a trip down to Pasadena to visit friends my period started...crappy grumpy mood in toe. At least I thought it was my period...but it was spotty and light and ended in the same day. Okay now I was worried. It was either the 2nd or 3rd of July and while my period is rather regular a few days late was not unheard of. This whole time I had been expressing my concern to Mitchell. "I'm sure you're not pregnant, you're just being paranoid but take a test if it will make you feel better". I then said "well a few more days...give it a few more days and then if nothing happens we'll have to drive out to Goleta to buy one at Kmart because I am not buying one for $20 at the grocery store when they only cost like $5 at Kmart".
A few more days past and still nothing. The fourth of July came and Mitch and I spent it downtown at the end of State Street at Stearns Wharf. Santa Barbara although suffering from hillside fires the past few days was still planning on lighting fireworks over the ocean...it was less than spectacular to say the least. We left feeling miffed and cheated over this whole fireworks situation. It was late and State Street was packed and so we ducked into one of our favorite Thai restaurants to get some food and wait for the crowds to die down before walking home. Oh how I miss Galanga's Thai teas and Princess Chicken! Over our late dinner we decided that just to ease our minds we would go get that preggo test the next day.
We drove out to Goleta...about 15 mins north of Santa Barbara to Kmart. You see there is really no place but the grocery store to shop in Santa Barbara plus Isla Vista is just a hop skip and a jump away from Kmart and it being the college town (where UCSB is located) the food is pretty good and much cheaper. Mitch dropped me off at Kmart while he checked out some dumb computer store next door and I bought the test. We then went to eat at this really good sandwich shop "Javans" in Isla Vista before heading back home to downtown Santa Barbara.
"Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God"...came the screams and instantaneous tears from the bathroom.
"what, what's wrong" Mitchell yelled back from the next room.
(upon remembering this now...how could he have asked "what's wrong"...I was taking a pregnancy test...isn't it obvious what happened?)
"Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God" I couldn't even respond with an answer just kept crying and ran into the bedroom. Face down in the pillow with more cries of "Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God".
I was expecting at least the time it took for the test to react to gain some sort of nervous composure. To three minutes later come and check the results. That effer turned into a plus sign as soon as my super impregnated pee hit the stick. I was worried yes, but I had freaked out about this sort of thing before in the past and was relieved when the test was negative...I was expecting to feel like an idiot for being so freaked out. I wasn't expecting to well...be "expecting".
Crying, crying, crying and then some more crying. What am I gonna do...why did this happen...MY PARENTS ARE GOING TO KILL ME! This and flashing forward a few months earlier when I arrogantly smirked my way through my cousin Brandon's shot-gun wedding to his newly knocked up girlfriend. My mother commenting at least he was marrying her...when was I ever going to get married. "I'm not pregnant Mom, I would never be so stupid to let this happen to me"
Karma...irony...fate...call it what you like but here I was in the same sorry state.
"calm down Emily, it'll be okay...we'll figure it out...I don't know... just stop freaking out" was Mitch's response.
A few hours later in a truly delusional state and the only possible conclusion I could draw was that the test must be wrong. It says it takes three minutes for results to appear and these came... like... immediately. I must have done it wrong somehow, right? Well two tests later, purchased for three times the price at the grocery store and well the same thing happened...I was pregnant...apparently. I told no one except my old friend from home via myspace to which her response I find to be even more ridiculous now.
"I bet you're not pregnant...I had a scare just recently and then my period came a few days later...go get a real test at like planned parenthood or something"
"Rhiannon I took three tests and they all came back positive"...was this scare of hers also preceeded by three positive pregnancy tests...I am guessing not.
"well you never know...you should see a doctor to be sure" she said.
I went to planned parenthood anyways, you know just to be sure. And their test was equally scientific as the grocery store variety...all involving urine. I was pregnant. I left the nicest-fanciest Planned Parenthood I was had ever seen and could probably only be found in Santa Barbara with a little slip of paper "proof of pregnancy" and also including my due date March 9, 2009. I went on with my life the following 3 months as though nothing had happened. I had just started my job and still had a few months before my health insurance would kick in and so I waited and besides Mitch's sister Ashley and Rhiannon, Mitch and I told no one.
...To Be Continued...no telling when
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