I would like to...

Write something...but as of late I cannot think of anything useful to say...Maybe we could do this as a list. Since the biggest thing happening in my life as of lately was attending Mitch's brother Mike's Wedding, most of this will probably be about that.

1. I think Mike and Karen's wedding was the most beautiful and personalized weddings I have had the pleasure of attending. (now now family remember I am not allowed inside the temple to attend your weddings, soooo don't be offended).




2. Mike and Karen wrote their own vows which were very sweet. My favorite thing, that I can remember through trying not to cry and look like an idiot was when they asked eachother if they would take one another as their spouse instead of the officiant asking them. Example; Mike says "Karen will you take me as your husband"...so sweet.






3. I can't imagine Mike and Karen ever fighting. I mean most couples you see who are clearly in love you can recognize oh well so and so has this temper and he/she is touchy about that, but with Mike and Karen, really nothing comes to mind that could cause tension or friction...ironically I can't imagine a day when Mitchell and I would have nothing to argue about...I guess it keeps things interesting.


*in may be important to note that I really don't know Mike or Karen all that well. I have dated Mitch for close to 8 years and have only really been around Mike on holidays and special events in like the last 2-3 years. Mike seems to be a calming influence in the sibling dynamic, while I would not describe the rest of the Benveniste children with such a mild word, lol. Maybe because he is the oldest, I don't know. Karen I have only visited with a handful of times, she works ALOT. But Karen has always been warm and kind towards me. And Karen loves my child. Sometimes that's all you need to know someone's heart. As a mother when I see someone take the time to interact with my baby and dote on her, it speaks volumes about that person's character.



4. Olivia IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY... I mean have you seen these wedding pictures of the child...flawless!






5. Tony (Mitch's dad) told me that he has always seen me as his daughter and always will...this I had to hold back the urge to cry...I love the Benvenistes...dramatics, fighting, dysfunction and all!






6. Sometimes I wonder how Mitchell came from Sue and Tony...they seem most of the time complete opposites...Then again I sometimes wonder how I came from my mother, we are not much alike. Now there is no denying I am in most aspects a clone of my father.



7. I wonder if Olivia will be like me, I wonder if she will one day wonder where on earth she came from, if she will feel that we are nothing alike.



8. I hope Olivia takes all of my good qualities and blends that together with all of Mitch's good qualities and of course stirs that all in with her own qualities and becomes just a wonderful human being. I am sure she will have flaws but I hope they are not inherited or learned from Mitchell or I.



9. Mike and Karen are not religious. Their wedding was free of any mention of God...and I didn't even notice, Mitch pointed it out. I didn't feel like anything was missing from their wedding, what does that say about me? What does that say in general?



10. I feel tired all the time. I am tired of feeling tired.



11. Will I ever get married? Do I want to get married? Sometimes it's hard to know what I want and distinguish it from what everyone else wants for me. Sometimes it feels like a lot to live up to and I don't deal well with pressure.



12. Mike and Karen's wedding made me feel like I do want to get married...but if Mitch and I do marry one day how will that even work with all the religious differences. And by differences I mean neither of us is religious in the traditional sense of the word, however I will admit this. Mitch still claims to be Catholic for life, when was the last time he was in Church?



13. Karen once told me she grew up in a completely secular home, no religion whatsoever. Karen is super successful and well adjusted and a wonderful person...which leads me to wonder, is religion as really necessary as my parents always tell me it is? This of course refers to Olivia and what sort of idea of God I should be instilling in her.



14. And how am I supposed to instill God into my child when I am not all too sure exactly what I make of him?



15. I mean I do believe in God, I really think that I do which I couldn't say before becoming a mother...how can you give birth to another human being and not feel like it had to be about something more that just yourself creating this baby? But to what extent and how it applies to me and my life is yet remain unseen.

(Look at the perfection in just her tiny hand, that couldn't have been all me, I know me and I am not that much of a perfectionist...somebody went over the finer details)

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm well I think that's all I got...