At least everyone who be upset to hear the news on a blog and not in person, knows by now. So I'm just going to explain what's going on. I have written before about Mitchell and his heart. He was born with a heart defect. A right septal defect and pulmonary stenosis. He had surgery to repair his heart at 5 months old. First of all....5 MONTHS OLD!!!!!!! I cannot even imagine having to give my baby over to someone to have heart surgery, that is just a terrifying nightmare to imagine what his parents must have been feeling way back in 1981. He doesn't obviously remember the surgery but he has the scars to prove it. He has a scar that runs the length of his his entire chest almost to his belly button, he also has scars on his thighs where the IV must have been.
His heart has been pretty normal for his condition for the past 30 years, I don't think it has limited him too much in things he is capable of doing and what not. But maybe for past year and a half he has been saying that his heart felt weird or was beating strange or he has gotten out of breath doing things he normally could do no problem. He had seen a few doctors here and there and everyone always told him the same things. Basically yes your heart is acting a little funny but due to your condition it is not out of the ordinary for you to experience these episodes. So from there when Mitch would experience these weird symptoms or feel completely exhausted he was looking for what could possibly be going on if it was not his heart, according to doctors, what was the problem.
Here is where things get a little hairy. At the peak of all his "self-diagnosis" I was working quite a bit and he was home with Olivia most of the time. Since the doctors could never really pinpoint anything that was wrong and he did have a few blood and urine tests to test for other problems, I was of the opinion that he was probably tired from watching Olivia. He has never really had to watch her for more than maybe an hour and certainly not everyday. SHE IS EXHAUSTING. Also he was out of work and I also figured he was probably a bit bored and stressed out and that can make you pretty tired as well. So when I would come home from work to a tornado mess in the house and Olivia was still awake a lot of nights, not bathed and not in jammies and Mitch would have found some possible ailment on the Internet...it was irritating. This became a pretty frequent scene in the house and it was super stressful. I was working alot and not making a whole lot of money to even make it worth it...Mitch really didn't do a whole lot at home but make messes and semi-supervise the chaos of Olivia...he did cook but it seemed more of a hassle to me because he never cleans up after himself and he is a messy cook. So I would come home to a mess, Olivia starved for attention and up way past her bedtime and Mitch on WebMD telling me he must have this or that or maybe even this blah, blah. I was not very supportive of all these problems he discovered on the Internet...I figured that if the doctors said he was fine...he was probably fine. He was angry at me for not believing him and I was angry with him for spending all his time looking up symptoms online when no one had told him of any actual problem.
Fast forward to about 2 months ago. He finally found a doctor who listened and referred him to a specialist. Apparently the heart has all kinds of specialists and Mitch needed a specialist who dealt with adults with congenital heart problems who had had surgery as an infant or child. And finally Mitchell got his vindication. Not something you probably want to be right about but Mitch is pretty happy when he gets to say "I told you so".
So the problem I guess is that when they did the surgery in infancy they had to do a fair amount of damage to one of his valves just because they are so small that there really isn't a way around it. Mitch's parents were told that it was likely he would have to have something done again in the future...probably around the age of 30... well guess who's been 30 since May.So his valve is constricted and not allowing the proper amount of blood through and therefore not supplying enough oxygen to the rest of his body. Which explains why he feels tired and explains why Mitch is kinda known to be a frequent napper. I guess it just is something that has been happening gradually for a while and is now at the point since he has all the symptoms that he needs to have something done. So what's to be done? OPEN HEART SURGERY to replace the faulty valve.
The doctors of course are very reassuring that it's a totally routine thing and it happens all the time and Mitch is a great candidate because he's young, healthy, doesn't smoke, doesn't really drink...etc. But the idea of having your ribcage sawed open and your heart being touched...well that is not comforting...not to mention I have watched way too much Grey's Anatomy to believe any surgery is routine. I feel stupid and lame to be convinced by a TV drama of the variety of problems with heart surgeries...ummmm hello remember the whole Izzy and Denny fiasco...well he had a heart transplant but come on...that was tragic!!!!! I am so scared...Mitch is so freaked out...all the family rotates between "it'll be fine and OMG my baby, my brother, my mitchy".
Mitch also has not let me forget that I didn't initially believe anything was wrong with him. To me, to my defense, I never doubted that maybe his heart was acting strangely...but those other doctors said his heart was different and would be strange sometimes and that was normal. I did however roll my eyes at all the possible Internet illnesses he thought he might have...kidney failure, UTI's, bladder infections, lyme disease, valley fever, diabetes, etc. I guess maybe in retrospect it made sense he would try to find alternative explanations to why he felt so crappy since all the doctors before insisted his heart was fine. And I admit I was not supportive of all these ailments and maybe since it was his heart all along I can see why all the mania makes sense.
I do feel badly. I guess in my head I felt like I have to take care of Olivia and most of the time I take care of her alone...I don't have time to invest in crazy hypochondria when it doesn't seem to get you anywhere except negative test results. I instinctively trust doctors...my dad is a doctor. So no, in my head if a doctor says you are okay I'm not going to doubt his diagnosis. I guess this has taught me to be more realistic than idealistic when it comes to authority figures...because to me a doctor is an authority figure. It is after all called "Practicing Medicine", a doctor is just a highly educated guesser I suppose.
So I am scared for Mitchell, I'm scared for myself. I am most frightened for my child. What this means for her life. If everything goes according to plan it probably doesn't mean a whole lot other than the fact that I will most likely have to work for a while and she will be with a babysitter or daycare more than me...which is heartbreaking to me...she is so attached to me. But if something were to go wrong. I don't want that to be her life. I don't want her to never know her father, because she would not remember him at this point in the future. A little girl needs a Daddy and Mitchell is her Daddy. And she is her father's daughter...she is exactly like him in almost all aspects. She needs him to be okay, I need him to be okay. I mean Mitch and I are not always known for our ability to get along but I love him with everything in me...even when he makes me so mad, even when his ADHD is in overdrive and I feel like my head is going to explode if he doesn't leave me alone...we have been together for so long, I don't want anyone else in my life. We are both so stubborn and bullheaded...who else would put up with us? No...he has to be okay, he's going to be just fine and we will get through this and it will be okay.
So anyways that's what I have been stressed out about...angry about...sad about...overwhelmed about...in denial about...worried about. And I am a worrier, so this is like torture.
Oh and Mitch is due to have the surgery sometime in January depending on the results on more testing...which is of course not cheap since he has like the crappiest insurance ever!!!!! Maybe we should move to Canada?
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