1. Since I wrote that entry about the panhandler at Walmart I have seen him like countless more times...my feelings about him seem to just get more intensely annoyed. Which led me think...he is here like everyday, it must be working for him, he must be having some measure of success. Which surprises me that people who shop at this Walmart are that charitable. Come to think of it, you never see people asking for money at Target or the Grocery store...why Walmart of all places? And what happened to the days where people would have boxes of kittens and puppies they were trying to get rid of in front of stores...I mean at least they are cute to look at!
2. My dishwasher is a tease. My house is old, built long before the invention of dishwashers. Whoever owns this house has not changed much about it...the light fixtures are newer but everything else seems original, therefore if the kitchen was built before dishwashers and they wanted to preserve the integrity of the old house...that doesn't leave a lot of room to install a dishwasher once that technology arrived. So I have a tiny dishwasher, like not even half the size of a normal dishwasher. When I go to my parents and load dishes after dinner or something it seems like lavishly enormous! So when I have a bunch of dishes instead of my mind being at ease about at least I can load most of these in the dishwasher...I feel ripped off because not even half of these dishes will fit in one load if I actually want the dishes to be clean. So I have to wait around to thoroughly clean up messes or wash stuff by hand. TEASE!!!!!
3. Olivia is so bossy. I don't know if it's her age or her personality but she is so demanding all the time. She orders me to do this or that and her voice is so loud and booming I feel like I live with a WWF announcer. I live with 2 people and one cat and I feel like they all in some way are constantly trying to control me. This could be in my imagination because I seem to have irrational fears and paranoia about people controlling me and wanting to just do the opposite to piss them off. This especially applied to me as a teenager and young adult when it came to my mother. Anyways! Mitch is just plain bossy ALL THE TIME, Olivia is so demanding of "Playing", "reading" or "Juice" or what have you. Then there is Shiloh, the cat. Urghh I feel like the only true alone time I get is when both Mitch and Olivia are in bed and that has been completely taken over by the dumb cat. It's nice and quiet in the house and then all of a sudden the cat starts to meow and scratch at the door.....IT DRIVES ME INSANE!!!!!!!! I think the cat noise bothers me most of all because he just doesn't "get it". I can't believe how much I once loved this cat. I mean don't get me wrong I still love him...kinda I guess. I just treated him like a baby ever since I got him when he was a baby, so he is so needy and affectionate and really only likes me or my dad and nowadays that just annoys me. On the rare occasions that I let him in the house it's not like he can just hang out in the same room and be content. He follows me wherever I go and is always trying to jump up in my lap and rub on my face and it just annoys me. I think why can't you be a normal cat and just lay on the floor and ignore me! I think since becoming a mother I really don't much care for pets anymore. Is that sad? I mean I love animals but I don't want to live with any of them anymore...I totally get why we never had a dog growing up. Then when my mom finally was guilted into getting a pet it was the most anti-social evil cat in the world...so basically it was like having no pet at all. She was always hiding out and had no desire to be "part of the family". Then she got really old and really affectionate and then she died.
4. Mitch's surgery which was originally supposed to be in January was postponed til April. So next month on the 16th is the big day. I am so scared. I mean I guess I have always been scared since first learning he would have to have surgery but we heard this in October so January was a ways away. Then January came and Mitch decided he wanted to wait until after Olivia's birthday and so it was scheduled for April which in January still seemed a long time away. Now it's March 16th and it is officially no longer that far away and I am freaking out. I don't feel like I know what to expect and that is what scares me the most. The cardiologist and surgeon doing the surgery are all located in San Francisco so there have not been that many appointments where we could learn what to expect because simply it's a pain to have to get down there for the appointments. Especially with Olivia and usually not having a babysitter and urgh. The fact that all this is being done in San Francisco also stresses me out. I don't like being away from my home and especially don't like to be away in scary or stressful situations and this time I'm just gonna have to be exhausted and stressed out and worried and away. He will be in the hospital for at least a week after...then has to be back the following week for a check-up. Where am I going to be? Where is Olivia going to be? Mitch's parents live in the bay area but there is literally "no room at the Inn there". I'm scared for Mitchell. I know he is so afraid of something going wrong. I mean I guess everyone knows that something could go wrong even though it's not likely. But it's probably way harder to be the one being cut open to have thoughts of worst case scenarios...much easier to rationalize that everything will be fine when you aren't the one who has to do it. I can't believe this is happening to be honest. This is something old people have to deal with...why do we have to deal with it!! I mean obviously it's no one's fault Mitch was born with a crazy heart...but it really sucks even so!
5. Olivia is still not potty trained. Part of me feels crappy that I have just not made her do it and then a bigger part of me says she will do it when she is ready. My mom is always like "Emily she just turned three she should be potty trained...she should have been like a year ago". Olivia is a smart kid. She has always been quick to do things and hit milestones and you know it really doesn't bother me the way my mother thinks it should that she hasn't decided to use a potty yet. I think my mom thinks that if she is telling me about my other nephews who are potty training (or were potty trained)that are younger than Liv that this is will embarrass me into action. Or somehow kick in some sort of competitive edge in me to force Olivia to keep up. What my mother seems to not remember is that I AM NOT COMPETITIVE....AT ALL!!!! And I mean according to studies it's her fault, lol. If she wanted me to be competitive and proactive she shouldn't have made me the middle child! But I guess someone had to be in the middle and I am just the easy laid back lazy one to do it! I once read a book on birth order and although my siblings and I are not typical because there are so many years between us (which supposedly makes us all more like only children)I definitely fit the role of the middle child like a glove! So you know what if I force her to do it before she wants to...it's just going to be a disaster. She is strong willed, opinionated and so so so stubborn, if she doesn't want to do it...she's not going to. Does it make me lazy to not force her? I don't think so...at least at the age of three...I'm sure there will be plenty of battles to fight when she is a teenager.
6. Hmmmmm what else? Oh I know!!!! What seemed like a cool fun kinda thing to have/drive has become the bain of my existence. Mitch for a while after Olivia was first born became OBSESSED (what else is new) with VW Westfalias and Vanagons. He found a Vanagon for 1,000....which apparently is a steal and bought it...this was about three years ago. He really wanted a "westy" as they are called (Westfalia) but apparently they are harder to find in working order and way more expensive if they are functional. So our van is like a 1987...I think? So while older Vanagons give off a cool hippie vibe this one from the 80's.....well not so much! LOL. I think the first problem is the color. It's white and kinda a dingy white at that so it resembles something more you would see a painter or child abductor drives. I have seem many other Vanagons that look the same as mine but are a cool navy color or burgundy and they look....pretty rad. My Vanagon does not look rad. Did I mention that because of the terrible gas mileage Mitch drives the other car and so I am stuck with Olivia and the van. So the person who "F-ing loves this van" or so he proclaims everytime he drives it...which isn't often, isn't even the one who has to use it everyday!
Now on a good day when I actually do my hair and get dressed in something cute I feel kinda like a cool peace loving granola eating mother driving around in this crazy car, I feel like I can pull it off. But I mean let's face it...that is not all that often, lol. So on the days where I have to run to the store real fast and I am wearing yoga pants and sweatshirts with my hair unwashed in a ponytail where if I was getting out of some normal looking car people wouldn't look twice at me...however I am not getting out of any type of normal looking car so I basically look like a crazy homeless person or something. People make sure to hit their little lock buttons on their keys when I am getting out of the van next to them. And although I have never been one to care much what people think of me or what kind of car I drive...I mean hello remember what my 4runner looked like...I want to flip these people off. I mean really, REALLY!!!!???? You think me and my three year old daughter are going to break into your car just because I am wearing a sweatshirt and drive this stupid van....Get a effing life!!!! So I am hating the van lately. But Mitch has mentioned selling it before and the thought of it not being ours anymore...I mean I don't want to get rid of the dumb thing either. There is a small part of me that likes the van. I mean I liked it a lot before it became my main form of transportation. I think I need a sticker that says "I choose to drive this van...it wasn't the only thing I could afford...so don't judge me!"
And that....that I think should do it for today readers!
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