"I'll carry you home, tonight"

So are you familiar with the song by the band FUN called "We are young". I remember hearing it on Glee like a million years ago and thinking it was kinda a strange song...seemed almost like a song you would hear in a play or something, at least covered by Glee. So the other day on the way to a doctors appointment all alone driving in the car the song came on the Radio and I thought, "Oh yeah I really like this song"and began to sing along. About a minute into the song I start tearing up and then crying and then sobbing...full blown sobbing while driving on the freeway. Now being close to nine months pregnant it doesn't take a whole lot to make me cry...whether it be from sentiment, happiness, tiredness, anger, frustration, impatience...tears are really easy to come by in this pregnancy...more so than with Olivia. Then I thought, "why am I crying"...then I thought this isn't the first time I have cried when hearing this song...what is the deal?

Then I thought I hardly ever hear this song on the Radio in Sacramento...but it is on constantly in the Bay Area radio stations. Having been back and forth so much to the Bay Area in the last 5 months I know the radio selections pretty well. I mean it's a good song, I like it...I get excited when I hear it on the radio at home...which isn't all that often because I hardly ever drive myself anywhere alone and Mitch hardly ever plays the Radio in the car. Why am I so familiar with this song? Why does this song make me emotional? Then I remember the times I heard it the most and it was driving back and forth to the hospital in San Francisco when Mitchell was recovering from his surgery. I remembered the first time I drove myself all alone up to the hospital to spend the entire day with Mitchell, just me and him after his surgery was over.This was probably day 2 after the surgery and Sue had said she would take Olivia for the day so I could stay with Mitch the whole day. I was really excited to see him even though he would probably sleep the whole time. Just seeing he was okay even if he was asleep was reassuring. I don't like to be emotional in front of other people...which doesn't mean I didn't get emotional in front of everyone that week. However all alone in the car while that song played on the radio a wave of emotion unlike anything I have probably felt in my life washed over me.

Relief, sadness, worry, exhaustion, love...the sum of all the emotions leading up to the surgery in the months before just poured out of me...in long sobbing heaves. I couldn't believe it was over, I couldn't believe it had happened, I couldn't believe everything turned out so well, I couldn't believe I had experienced something so intense with someone I loved, I couldn't believe it...that's just how it felt, shock. It felt like since the moment "open heart surgery" had been layed out on the table...I had metaphorically been holding my breath and the crying, sobbing tears was like finally catching my breath, finally taking in air for the first time in 7 months. It's so strange to have so much time leading up to the surgery and then having it all be over in a matter of 3-4 hours. In a way it feels like "that's it, it's over, he's still alive. All these months I have been worried and anticipating this huge event and now the doctor is telling me it's all done"...it kinda feels like that can't be it. And in reality it's not and it wasn't because recovery is a process but the main event....the feature presentation so to speak, was done and it just feels too quick and easy to be true. It's like just because the surgery was over it takes a while for you to mentally keep up and realize it's all done. Even now when I think about the surgery and seeing him after the surgery I can't help but get emotional...it still feels too quick to be over with.

(Mitch about 3 days after surgery)

So I guess Fun's "We are young" will forever be my anthem of Mitchell's surgery. I guess it brings out emotions that are easy to forget about with everything that has happened since and everything that is happening now and everything that will be happening in the next 4-5 weeks! We are having a baby!!!! It's crazy right? And even when he is driving me crazy because he is just being "Mitchell"...I can't say I don't love him with all my heart and I am so thankful that his heart is beating!!!!

I love you Mitchell forever and always...even when you leave dishes on the counters, or are being an obnoxious back seat driver, or shoving me in the middle of the night to tell me I'm snoring, or just generally being your crazy self...I can't imagine sharing my life and my children with anyone else!