I was fine...

So a little bit ago I wrote a post about my sister being pregnant and how I was a little jealous that she got to have another baby before I had another baby since my first baby was older than hers. I would say I got over it pretty quick. And she had to sit out most of Disneyland. While I got to go on ride after ride and had a pregnant babysitter for Olivia. So the problem on how am I going to go on Space Mountain or Indiana Jones when Olivia is too small was kinda solved and convenient that Katie could not go on those rides either. Thanks Ian for getting my sister pregnant so I could throughly enjoy Disneyland....ha aha aha ha.

So I was fine with not being pregnant. Then the little lady was born and I was expecting to feel all emotional about Olivia being a giant and how come I can't have a newborn baby...but I was fine. Then I went to Utah to see the little Vivianne and I was expecting to feel a real twinge of "baby hunger"...but I was fine. She seemed so small and delicate and made me nervous more than envious. She seemed like she might break at any false move and then I changed her diaper and she wailed in protest of being naked and I just felt panicked. I remember telling Katie she could not leave the room...what if this baby totally freaks out, you are her mother...I'm not. It really is different when it's your baby...it truly is. I remember Mitch's sisters freaking out a bit when Olivia was a newborn, feeling nervous about hurting her or getting stressed when she would cry. I remember thinking they were crazy...the baby is not going to break, she's fine!!! Then Vivianne screamed bloody murder when I was trying to change her diapers and clothes and I just thought "Katie I swear I am not hurting your baby but she is freaking me out". And so I was fine...I left little Vivianne after a visit and didn't feel like "I NEED A BABY!!!!!".

So I was feeling all proud of myself for not feeling jealous and not getting all crazy hormonal about my time for child bearing running out. Then something happened. So "Grey's Anatomy" is a show I recently discovered on Netflix streaming and they recently just updated with the prevoius season 7, which I had not seen yet. So long story short "Callie" gets pregnant and has a baby on this season and this baby is a little half latina half white baby and has a ton of dark hair. And here is where I felt that twinge...that "I need that baby in my arms right now". Now why do I feel that way about some dumb TV baby but not when I held my niece?

Huh, this was perplexing, especially since I had seen and held Vivianne in real life. But then I realized it's because Vivianne looks nothing like Olivia did. Vivianne has bright blue eyes and has just the slightest bit of blonde fuzz on her head. Olivia as a newborn looked a lot like this TV baby. Olivia had a really hairy furry head of dark hair and while her eyes were the "baby blue" color they were always very very dark. And now here I am wishing for a Mitchell and Emily baby...because those are the babies that are most beautiful to me. On the drive home my mom commented about Vivianne saying "Isn't she beautiful Em, isn't she such a doll".....and I responded that she was such a divine little creature...."But not as cute as Olivia". My mom was like "Emily!!!!!!" to which I responded laughing "You really think I am ever going to say any baby is cuter than my own"...to which my dad agreed that no Mother would.

So Katie I'm sorry but your babygirl is the the second most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen. And I'm Okay with Olivia being the second most pretty to you! And since I apparently have to be married before I can have any more babies and avoid being disowned by my mother...does anyone want to marry me? Cause I'm ready for another baby, lol. Do I really have to be married. Marriage seems frightening to me for some reason these days!