The Circus seemed an appropriate theme!

So this past weekend Mitch's older brother Matt, his wife Kindra and their son Ezra came to visit. We have not seen them since Mike's wedding over a year ago. They don't visit often and live all the way out in Illinois. Ezra is 7 months younger than Olivia. Actually born on the same day as Liam. Anyways they came out to Grandma Anita's house in Millbrae (South Bay) to visit for a few days. Since Ezra will be turning 2 on the 3rd of October and since nobody was there for his first birthday or see him that often Grandma Sue threw him a birthday party! Olivia and Ezra were the only kids there but that didn't stop everyone from having an awesome time at the circus themed soiree. The house was decorated so cute with circus stripes and flags...circus tents set up in the backyard, a clown beanbag toss, a child sized picnic table covered with plastic circus animal figurines, a tub with floating rubber duckies and of course lots and lots of snacks.

Olivia and Ezra at the Animal table

Mitchy and his big brothers...Matt (left is middle Brother) Mike (right is the oldest)All the Circus-y Treats

Most of the party goers

The next day we all headed out to the Academy of Sciences to visit the aquarium, planetarium, rainforest, natural history museum and even got to visit the sculpture garden at the DeYoung Art Museum.

It was quite the adventure to get everyone coordinated and moving and parked. Like "herding cats" is what Tony calls it...and I would say that is an accurate description. Trying to get 12 people out the door without some real complaining about how long everyone is taking by someone who shall remain nameless ahem "Mitchell". Probably close to an hour and half after arriving at the place we actually went inside. By that time everyone was already tired, lol. We made the mistake of visiting the "rainforest" first. It was so hot and humid in there and you start at the bottom and just move further and further up to towards the roof...and well you know how heat rises. I felt like I was gonna die! This is what Olivia looked like upon arrival at the top waiting for the elevator to take us back down
Once everyone made it outta that rainforest of death everyone's mood seemed to improve dramatically...and how could it not that aquarium is pretty awesome!!!!


Olivia and Ezra didn't really seem to be too impressed with one another...these are like the only photos I got of the two of them together.

This is what Olivia looked like when Ezra refused to hold her hand...she was quite offended and cried hysterically for a good 2 minutes proclaiming "I never hold hand with that baby again". Olivia is used to more submissive cousins like Liam who follows her around like a puppy and holds hands gladly and willingly. Or Abe who just kinda goes with the flow. Ezra is just as spoiled as Olivia so it was more of a power struggle and battle of wills. It seemed whenever one of them was starting to warm up the other one was in a bad mood. AHHHHH oh well. All's well that ends well...everyone had a good time!

I was fine...

So a little bit ago I wrote a post about my sister being pregnant and how I was a little jealous that she got to have another baby before I had another baby since my first baby was older than hers. I would say I got over it pretty quick. And she had to sit out most of Disneyland. While I got to go on ride after ride and had a pregnant babysitter for Olivia. So the problem on how am I going to go on Space Mountain or Indiana Jones when Olivia is too small was kinda solved and convenient that Katie could not go on those rides either. Thanks Ian for getting my sister pregnant so I could throughly enjoy Disneyland....ha aha aha ha.

So I was fine with not being pregnant. Then the little lady was born and I was expecting to feel all emotional about Olivia being a giant and how come I can't have a newborn baby...but I was fine. Then I went to Utah to see the little Vivianne and I was expecting to feel a real twinge of "baby hunger"...but I was fine. She seemed so small and delicate and made me nervous more than envious. She seemed like she might break at any false move and then I changed her diaper and she wailed in protest of being naked and I just felt panicked. I remember telling Katie she could not leave the room...what if this baby totally freaks out, you are her mother...I'm not. It really is different when it's your baby...it truly is. I remember Mitch's sisters freaking out a bit when Olivia was a newborn, feeling nervous about hurting her or getting stressed when she would cry. I remember thinking they were crazy...the baby is not going to break, she's fine!!! Then Vivianne screamed bloody murder when I was trying to change her diapers and clothes and I just thought "Katie I swear I am not hurting your baby but she is freaking me out". And so I was fine...I left little Vivianne after a visit and didn't feel like "I NEED A BABY!!!!!".

So I was feeling all proud of myself for not feeling jealous and not getting all crazy hormonal about my time for child bearing running out. Then something happened. So "Grey's Anatomy" is a show I recently discovered on Netflix streaming and they recently just updated with the prevoius season 7, which I had not seen yet. So long story short "Callie" gets pregnant and has a baby on this season and this baby is a little half latina half white baby and has a ton of dark hair. And here is where I felt that twinge...that "I need that baby in my arms right now". Now why do I feel that way about some dumb TV baby but not when I held my niece?

Huh, this was perplexing, especially since I had seen and held Vivianne in real life. But then I realized it's because Vivianne looks nothing like Olivia did. Vivianne has bright blue eyes and has just the slightest bit of blonde fuzz on her head. Olivia as a newborn looked a lot like this TV baby. Olivia had a really hairy furry head of dark hair and while her eyes were the "baby blue" color they were always very very dark. And now here I am wishing for a Mitchell and Emily baby...because those are the babies that are most beautiful to me. On the drive home my mom commented about Vivianne saying "Isn't she beautiful Em, isn't she such a doll".....and I responded that she was such a divine little creature...."But not as cute as Olivia". My mom was like "Emily!!!!!!" to which I responded laughing "You really think I am ever going to say any baby is cuter than my own"...to which my dad agreed that no Mother would.

So Katie I'm sorry but your babygirl is the the second most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen. And I'm Okay with Olivia being the second most pretty to you! And since I apparently have to be married before I can have any more babies and avoid being disowned by my mother...does anyone want to marry me? Cause I'm ready for another baby, lol. Do I really have to be married. Marriage seems frightening to me for some reason these days!

Lame-o

So ever since Olivia and I got back from our weeklong trip to Utah and Idaho I have been a big lame-o in the mom department. To be fair Olivia and I both got sick at the tail end of the trip and the whole thing seemed to really culminate on the drive home. Now Olivia seems to be getting better...I honestly don't feel much better but at least my throat isn't sore anymore because that is a real bummer. So we have not really left the house...and by not leave the house I mean we haven't even gone outside....yikes.

You see we could go in the backyard but the lawn/weeds that we have going on are in need of a serious mow not to mention I have to daily hose off all of Olivia's outside toys to keep the spiders and spiderwebs at bay. Since they have been neglected for almost 2 weeks I can only imagine there are probably spiders the size of Pomeranian puppies hanging out back there. Less cute and friendly but definitely just as furry! And you know I am not even that squeamish when it comes to spiders but either is Olivia and that is a real problem since I have on more than one occasion seen black widows. And a curious toddler and black widows probably aren't the best combination. They probably would not take too kindly to her poking them...we are not talking about Charlottes here...we are talking about Arachnophobia type monsters. So we have not been doing a whole lot this week. Since she is still sick too she seems to be pretty agreeable when it comes to naps and watching movies.

I feel bad because she is probably super bored compared to last week...but maybe that's why she hasn't complained. Maybe she is like her mother and needs some time to decompress and get back to regular life? We have been doing a lot of coloring, taking long baths, reading lots of stories and for some reason watching a lot of Yo Gabba Gabba? She used to be obsessed with that show when I lived with my parents and they have NickJr. Then we moved and didn't get that channel and Gabba just kinda fell off the radar for Caillou or her current obsession Horseland. Then Gabba got put on Netflix streaming and she saw the little icon and now it's all she wants to watch...I would think that she would have outgrown it...it's pretty baby-ish right? Nope she totally gets into the zone and just watches in awe. She has even dragged out all her Gabba stuffed figures and plays with them.

She is just so cute. And she is so sweet most of the time and she puts up with me as a mother and that is probably saying a lot, ha! She is just getting older by the minute and the way she plays changes by the day and she imitates me and says certain phrases I know she hears me say and it's just so funny. Today as I was talking on the phone to my mom and lamenting to her how I just felt like crap she had her little play phone out and she said "mom u jus don't understan...i so sick...i feel sooo bad mom". She is like my little mocking bird!

So hopefully me feeling better will coincide with the weather getting cooler and thus motivating me to actually make her days more exciting...since my morale and desire to be part of society really takes a hit when the weather reaches temps over like 75 degrees. I'm Nordic...we aren't made for heat!!!!

You're breaking my heart!!!

Today as I was unpacking the last of my things from my trip to Idaho I came across a picture my nephew Robbie colored for Olivia the first day we were there. He drew the letters of her name all bubbly and then outlined her names in rainbow colors. It made me feel choked up to see that. Not that I don't love all my nephews and now my niece equally but there is something about Robbie that twists my heart all up inside. I LOVE THAT KID!!!! Maybe because he was the first, maybe because I spent a lot of time with him when he was a baby and a little boy...maybe there is just something about his tender little heart that speaks to my heart, I don't know.

When Robbie was born I was eighteen years old. I was living in Rexburg Idaho and going to school at Ricks College (BYU-I nowadays). Eric and Rochelle lived in Boise Idaho which if I recall is about 5 hours away. I remember the weekend he was to be blessed at church. I remember I drove to Boise with Rochelle's parents who also live in Rexburg. I remember that when we arrived no one was home and so we had to wait. When Eric and Rochelle arrived they saw a dark haired girl sitting on the grass with Creed (chelle's lil bro) and I think I remember them telling me they were wondering who on earth that was and where was Emily? Well that was me...that was the first time I ever dyed my hair a drastically different shade than my normal blonde. After some laughing and "it looks cute" we came inside and sat down. Rochelle handed me a little bundle of a baby and the first thing I thought was "I am looking at a newborn version of my brother". I can't remember whether my sister was there yet but I know once she arrived we spent most of the time fighting over who got to hold the baby. Growing up there was never any shortage of newborn babies around at church but it's different when it's your own family...when you don't have to feel weird about asking to hold the baby...AGAIN! I think it was the first time I really held a baby that young. And I loved it, I loved him. I was an Aunt and it was the coolest feeling.

I think Robbie and his younger brother Kamren were pretty lucky to have Katie and I as aunts. Not that their other Aunts or Uncles weren't just as great, but it's different to have a young unmarried, childless aunt or uncle. You devote so much time to them and they are like your babies too because you don't have any of your own. Olivia is lucky enough to have this now in all of Mitch's sisters. It's like all of a sudden you have someone to buy things for when you go out of town...someone who is instantly on your mind when you see a cute toy or outfit or kids movie. When I was at my brother's house last week I was looking at pictures from Robbie's 1st birthday. I bought him this robotic dog thing that was like $60. I don't know what I was thinking, ha ha. I'm sure it was long since broken by the time he would have been old enough to play with it. I remember taking Robbie everywhere. He was also such a good baby...I hardly remember him ever crying or being fussy. He was my little guy and so sweet. I remember him as a toddler and how he would randomly stroke my cheek and then give me a kiss...I'm sure this would be embarrassing for him to hear now, lol. Then Kamren was born and then more babies were born, and Katie got married and I had a baby and then Katie had a baby and now another baby.

Along the way something snuck up on all of us. Robbie got older, taller, "cooler". While I was up there visiting I didn't see Robbie as much as the other boys because he was busy with Middle School and football and piano lessons and clarinet practicing. But all the while it was becoming evident to me that he was getting so big. I mean he had been getting big for a while but I never looked at him and saw in his face the teenager he would become, the man he would become. I remember the last night we were in town going out to dinner and looking at him across the table and for the first time noticing that he didn't look like a little boy anymore...and it was heartbreaking. It's not something that happened on purpose or anything he was trying to do...it just snuck up on me.

I had been taking for granted that he would always be my Robbie, always be my "baby bob" and all of a sudden he didn't look like my baby anymore. It made me a little sad that my life had changed and Katie's life had changed and there were now a gaggle of grandchildren and Robbie wasn't the center of all of our universes anymore. Because for a while before Kamren came along he really was one spoiled little guy...like Olivia is on the Benveniste side and like how she was for a while for being the only girl on our side. Now Robbie is the oldest...oldest brother, oldest boy, oldest cousin. Here he was drawing pictures for my daughter, holding her hand while they played in the lake, trying to entertain her at the dinner table...he isn't a little guy anymore. I'm glad that Olivia gets to have him as her oldest cousin, since she doesn't have a big brother she at least as 4 older boy cousins to look out for her!

And Robbie...you can just stay 11 from here on out...shaving, dating, driving!!!! This is just not something I am willing to accept yet!!!! Stay little-ish!

And we're back....

About a week ago I left with Olivia and my Dad to go back to Utah too see my niece Vivianne be blessed at Church and also just to SEE Vivianne since I had yet to meet her. My Mom was already there, had been there for about 3 weeks so she could see the birth and then help Katie with 2 babies afterwards. Sadly I am a big idiot and forgot to bring my memory card along so I do not have any pictures of the Utah part of the trip or any pictures of little Vivi. My brother in law Ian was kind enough to let me have a few old memory cards he had laying around but I never got them into my camera in time to take any pictures....AKA I was too lazy to go get my camera out of the car. But we were really only there one day...not even really a whole day. We blew into town around 9pm got up for church at 8...came back to the house for a little luncheon and were back on the road Idaho bound by 5pm. I would have liked to stay longer, I know Katie wanted me there longer but taking a bus with Olivia from Provo Utah to Rigby Idaho later in the week sounded like a nightmare.

But enough about that....about Vivianne. It has yet to really be confirmed to me if her name is pronounced "Vivian" or "Vivi-anne"...it is spelled as Vivianne but I don't think it is meant to really hear the "anne", in it. Ask my mother "LeeAnne" and she will tell you it's Vivi-anne. Who knows? At any rate she is a teeny tiny little lady! I mean I know Olivia was at least a pound bigger than Vivianne at birth but really when I was handed this little niece of mine all I could think of was how truly miniature she is!!! All I could say is "I don't ever remember Olivia being this small"...to which my mother kindly reminded me, "That's because Olivia was NEVER this small". Yeah, yeah...we all know I had a fatty fat baby at 7 pounds 2 ounces when we left the hospital, and I'm pretty sure that in most standards that is considered normal or even small but in Nana's world...that was a BIG BABY!!!! Anyways Vivianne is so teenie and had little teenie features and a light dusting of strawberry blonde hair which more resembles the little fur most babies still have on their body when they are born. When she was born and I saw pictures of her I didn't see any resemblance to her big brother Liam but when I held her I could see her little mouth and nose and chin were almost identical.

It was crazy with a capitol "cuh" to hold her...I felt like she must be the world's tiniest baby! Probably because my own baby was thundering around at a whopping 30 pounds trying to boss poor Liam around. I think you also forget how kinda uneventful holding a newborn is...not that I didn't love holding her. But they really...don't...do...anything! Their eyelids flutter in and out of consciousness and occasionally they make little noises. I don't know what I was expecting...I guess maybe I was hoping she'd give me a big smile or laugh. I changed her diaper a few times and that you also forget about...how drawn in those legs are...it's like a struggle to get the diaper on...not to mention that they hate being naked and seem rather frantic during diaper changes. There was also a moment that Olivia was in the room while we were changing the baby into jammies and the poor baby was freaking out...flailing of arms, screams and wails and Olivia looked like she was starring in a horror movie! She started crying uncontrollably, asking me if the baby was sick or hurt and to please help the baby she is hurt mama. I think she thought Katie was torturing the baby, ha ha. But it took a good 10 minutes to calm Olivia down and assure her that her cousin Vivianne was just fine! I also thought Olivia would be more interested in Vivianne...but she was more interested in stealing Liam's toys and following Unky Ian around. I never knew she had such an affinity for Uncle Ian...not that she shouldn't...but she doesn't really know him that well. But she was his little shadow for a good while when we first arrived. Maybe because Ian kinda has similar features to Mitchell or to Olivia's Uncle Mike...I don't know? Anyways it was a quick visit filled with a lot of family I had not seen in a while and I do wish I could have stayed longer.

Next we headed to my brother Eric's house in Rigby Idaho. You know what's funny is that Rigby Idaho is practically Rexburg Idaho where I went to BYUI or Ricks College, as it was called back then, and I don't think I was particularly fond of the area when I was there. But I love going to Eric's house. I love all the animals you see just driving around the block, I love how there are rarely any fences in the yards, I love the water rushing down the canals that supply the water to all the neighboring farms. I don't know if I would ever want to live in the area again like I did for a year when I was a freshman in college...but I certainly enjoy visiting. It really is pretty in the summer and fall up there. Anyways Olivia was in heaven with all the cousins and random neighborhood kids that were always around. She would have spent the entire week in the Little Tikes Cozy Coupe if I let her. Poor Abe it was his birthday present and she commandeered the little vehicle for the majority of the trip! Good thing he knows how to share...she is...well learning I suppose.

Talk about a busy week!!! I don't know how Rochelle (my sis in law) does it! There is school and piano lessons and football practice and cub scouts and football games and zumba class. She is always go-go-going!!!! I would die, there would be days I'm sure I would just sit in the car and cry. Being a naturally pretty lazy person I can't imagine having every day filled with obligations and schedules of having to be here at this time or that time, not to mention making breakfast, lunch and dinner. There was one day that I took Olivia over to the elementary school to have lunch with Kamren, came home to give Olivia a nap, when she got up we went to watch football practice then hurried over to the church for cub scouts and then Rochelle had to run to the school for back to school night and asked me if I could get dinner going. We got home to the enchiladas that had been put in the oven before we left for football practice being ready and trying to get all the kids settled and at dinner and hopefully eating...I felt so confused I was so jumbled around mentally from the long day...and she does this EVERY DAY!!!!! Oh and then after bathing the little kids and putting them to bed we ran off to an hour and a half of Zumba class! Whoa!!!! WHOA!





Olivia had an awesome time going to Rigby Lake, Riding Cisco the horse 2 times, feeding the chickens, collecting eggs from the chickens, riding in the cozy coupe all over the driveway, coloring, playing with David's Mater Tooth cars (any car from 'Cars' is Mater Tooth), reading books she had never read before, going to the Rexburg DI whoop whoop, watching football practice, going to 4th grade to have lunch with Kamren, going to see the Winnie the Pooh movie, having pancakes for breakfast, going to Swan Valley for Square Ice Cream, Applebees, etc etc. And I had fun just "hanging out" with the family and getting to dress Abe everyday which apparently is something to be proud of!!!! And I did enjoy Zumba...even though I did feel like an idiot the whole time!

Thanks Eric, Rochelle, Robbie, Kamren, David, Abe, the chickens, Star the Cat and of course Cisco the horse!!!! Thanks for letting me sleep in your room boys!!! And thanks Katie and Ian for having me, thank-you Vivianne for being born!!!!!! Thanks Mom and Dad for driving me even though I complained just about 95% of the time on the way home...hey I was sick give me a break!!!!!

The END!!!!!!!

To be 2 1/2

So I was going to call this post to be a toddler...but is Olivia still a toddler? I don't know where you draw the line with all the titles of children. Babycenter.com does it this way "newborn, baby, toddler and then preschooler". Those emails I get but no longer read are titled "your pre-schooler this week"...the smartass in me thinks...aren't all those titles technically preschoolers? Oh well I guess it's easier to just call her 2 1/2...even though technically she isn't half until the 9th of September...and yes that matters to me!

Oh my Olivia girl! She is a nutcase these days. Nutty can mean funny and crazy and both those terms seem to apply to her, and I don't mean crazy as in amusing. I mean crazy as in crazy! So the other day as I complained of her bi-polarness and terrible twos my sister in law Alyssa sent me this video.



Which I found hilarious and strangely accurate..."A strange evil force grips the child transforming him into a deranged destructive monster making him capable of unspeakable horrors". Ha ha.

Besides that it seems like being 2 1/2 is like being in a constant state of frustration...on both ends, for both mother and child. Frustration for me because Olivia is like happy one minute and completely hysterical the next. Olivia seems like she is frustrated because she has the mind to do whatever she wants but she isn't allowed to or actually isn't capable to follow through. She seems frustrated a lot. She can't get one of her toy people into the toy bus and it's immediately a huge dramatic affair. Throw yourself on the floor in tears. She is asking to do something we can't at the moment do and she runs off to her room blubbering on and on in mostly unintelligible phrases. She tells me "it's not fair" at least 3 times a day or will scold me with such phrases as "don't talk like that to me Mommy, it's not a nice thing to say". This comes when I mention bedtime or naptime. She picked up that phrase from me...when she gets sassy I tell her not to talk to me that way. Or when she has learned some less than desirable words from Daddy or occasionally Mommy and I tell her "don't say those words, they aren't nice things to say". She apparently equates bedtime and naptimes with me being sassy or using a 4 letter word...nice!

So my life these days is a whirlwind of emotions...as if I don't have enough of my own emotions now I get to deal with the always irrational emotional reactions of a 2 year old. Maybe a lot of this is normal...but she really seems to have a flair for the theatrical productions you might call a tantrum. Usually she gets mad at me for one thing or another and starts wailing like a tea kettle. I respond to this by telling her if she is going to be sad she has to go be sad in her room. So she storms off, slams the door and stays in there long enough to eventually calm down. Sometimes this takes 2 minutes, sometimes it takes 20. Sometimes I go check on her and she will tell me "I'm still sad Mommy, please go away"...well at least she's polite about it. Then she will come out and tell me "I'm not sad anymore Mommy, I happy". And we are all roses and daises until the next inevitable injustice in her little mind.

This sounds amusing and you know a lot of the time it is...but it is always wearing!!! And I think if she is like this now at 2...I can only imagine what the teenage years will bring...oh boy!

Last Names

So when Olivia was born there was a big debate as to what her last name would be. Well basically just a big debate or rather an issue with my Mother. Well probably my entire family but she is the only one who seemed to express this concern verbally. Since Mitchell and I are not married she thought Olivia should have my last name. Come to think of it nobody mentioned the last name thing on Mitch's side...and all Mitch ever said was that is was up to me but he would like her to have his last name. Back then in my pregnant mind and after birth sentimentalities I figured that Mitch and I would get married one day...probably soon, Ha!. So what was the use in giving her my last name if we would eventually get married and then would have to change it again. So she was given Mitchell's last name.

I didn't realize the weirdness this would be in my life until a bit later. Whenever I filled out any forms or doctor records they would ask her name and then the parent responsible for their name. So there it was on paper in front of me...Mitchell and Olivia had the same last name and there I was all alone with Larsen. It was weird. And more and more time passed and it became kinda evident that my last name was not going to be changing anytime soon...if ever. It made me feel stupid...why didn't I give her my last name? Mostly I didn't because I had been Larsen all my life and Emily Larsen at that and it seemed so plain so boring. Mitch's name seemed so much more exotic so she became Olivia Marie Benveniste just for the sound of it. Then I kinda forgot about it for a while...didn't care that her last name was different...except when I thought about how one day she would be in school and she wouldn't have the same last name as me and then I would feel sad all over again. I have gone back a forth the past 2 1/2 years caring and not caring about the decision to give her someone else's last name and not my own. Something has happened recently that has brought it all to light again.

Olivia knows her name. If you ask her what her name is she will tell you "Wivia Benvnissy"...if you ask her what daddy's name is she says "Mitchell Benvnissy". I don't know how she figured that her and daddy have the same last name...no one ever told her she just seemed to know. If you ask her mommy's name she says "Emly Benvnissy". Somehow in her little 2 year old head she knows that Mommies and Daddies and babies have the same last name. It's amazing really that she made that connection without anyone pointing it out. But herein lies the problem. That is not my name and I feel like I should correct her, but at the same time I don't want to confuse her...I don't want her to know that sometimes Mommies and Daddies don't have the same last name. Mitchell will tell her "that's right, that's Mommy's name", and this kinda makes me mad. Mad because he doesn't know how it feels that I am the lone Larsen, mad that I have put her in a situation that is confusing, mad that it has been him mostly that has kept us from not all having the same last name and here he is boldly telling her a lie. I don't know...I just don't know if I should correct her or not. Like I have said before I don't see a time where Mitch and I won't be a couple, but I don't know if we will ever get married. I guess it's just another one of those times where I am reminded that my child is different from a lot of kids out there and all of her family. And Mitchell and I did this to her...and it makes me sad.