The post title is like a play on words to one of my favorite movies..."Confessions of a Dangerous Mind"....such a good movie! I love Sam Rockwell! Worth checking out definitely! Family members should check and see if their is an edited version because I know there is some "Lovemakin" and probably most certainly foul language, not that I'd notice...yeah terrible I know!
I feel like such a loser lately! I have been working alot and Mitch is home all day long since he has not been working. This basically means that I went from cleaning up after a 2 year old morning noon and night to cleaning up after the equivalent of 4two year olds...Mitchell is that messy. And he drags out crap that I had stored away or that he recently picked up from the parents moving away. So there is just stuff EVERYWHERE!!!!! I feel like my house is always a mess, the laundry is never done and no one ever helps me. And by no one I basically just mean Mitchell since obviously Olivia isn't all that capable of cleaning. I just feel so exhausted!!!! At work I mostly just do the closing shift which means....you guessed it! MORE CLEANING UP!!!!
Now don't get me wrong Petroglyph is the easiest and most "chill" job I have ever had, look at me using words like "chill"...working with teenagers is definitely rubbing off on me, lol. But when I close every shift and do the same exact same things....every.single.night. It just gets old!!! Especially when I have to do much of the same crap at home before I come into work or after I get home. Wash the paint tiles, clean the paintbrushes, wipe the counters, sweep the wood floor, spot mop, clean the bathroom...ALL I DO IS CLEAN!!!!! Then there is filling the paints, which when I first started everyone complained about hating it and I felt like it was kinda a nice "zone out" task....now it's just annoying. Then re-stocking the shelves...this I actually don't mind. This is actually kinda fun to arrange the hodgepodge of figurines, piggy banks, plates, cups, mugs, teapots, butter dishes, etc on the shelves for sale. We just got in a bunch of Easter junk...I wanna paint a bunch of those little Easter eggs because they are just so cute!!!
Urghhhh but I feel burnt out. I just feel like all I do is work and clean and clean at work and work at cleaning at home! I am so tired and so annoyed that Mitchell never cleans anything up after himself. I feel like if I am working, which traditionally should be his job than he can be a little nontraditional at home dad and do the cleaning once and a while. He says he's going to...always says he's gonna do it, this time...yet never does!!!! I come home and I'm tired. Not really because work is super demanding because alot of the time it's actually pretty mellow...more of the fact that I go to bed WAY TOO LATE. Then I just feel tired all day and then can't seem to make myself go to bed even when I am tired. I come home to the hurricane mess in my house and just feel myself giving up urgh..I don't wanna clean, I'll do it later. It's just this cycle that seems to be repeating all the time.
Before when Mitchell was working, usually out of town 5 days a week, my house was spotless. I liked cleaning then because for the most part it stayed clean and that was encouraging. Cleaning up took little effort because it was well maintained. Also when I had babysitters I felt like the house needed to be neat when they came over. Now I clean before work and come home and it's a mess again...I never get to feel the peace of the clean house because I leave and come back to Mitchell using every dish we own to cook some weird dinner and every cup used because he can't seem to manage just using the same one throughout the day. Toys everywhere...diapers on the floor of the bathroon needing to be thrown out. OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! I AM LOSING MY MIND just thinking about it.
Also I feel so tired all the time that I just feel like I am not being very attentive to Olivia. I can't talk about it...makes me feel too guilty. I feel like a bad mother because I feel super impatient with her at times...I don't lose my temper or anything...it's not like I get frustrated with her. It's more I just prefer her to play by herself so I can actually get some crap done!!! I'm terrible because I see that she misses me...she was used to me being with her all the time and now I am usually gone by the time she gets up from her nap. I go to bed missing her, wanting to hug her and kiss her chubby cheeks and hold her sticky hands...then when she sounds her "I'm awake alarm" in the morning I just wish she'd go back to sleep so I didn't have to get up!!! Just 30 more minutes Olivia Mama watched a late movie last night!!!
Solutions? Anyone....anyone?
