She spent all her naps in my bed and only slept in the crib at night. Actually if we are being totally honest...as a newborn at night she slept in her swing until she was about 4 months old. Hey you may care about what all the sleep experts say about these "motion junkie" babies...but back then I was just trying to prolong her asleep time any way I could. She was in that swing swaddled so tightly it was a wonder she could breathe, the swing going full blast with the classical music playing loud enough to drown out Mitchell's snoring and of course don't forget the pacifier.Sometimes you just gotta do what you can, and at that time we relied pretty heavily upon the swing at nighttime. It's funny how you forget things, because I had forgotten altogether we even had a swing. But we used it practically every night up until about 4 months when I decided she needed to get used to her crib and it was a fairly smooth transition. Because no matter what bad habits you may establish in a newborn (swing sleeping) the good news is they adjust beautifully at that age...probably the only time in human life that change isn't that big of a deal.
Anyways again I seem to have gotten off on some tangent. When what I mean to talk about is how I wish Olivia could sleep with me. Before moving home I was used to sleeping next to another person. Now I am really not much of a cuddler, but just having someone next to you is something you get used to and I had slept next to Mitch for the past 2 years. Then Olivia came into my life and we slept together every night for 9 months...you know pregnancy and all. And then naptime after she was born. I miss her alot at nighttime, even when she is just a few feet away in her crib. She is soooo on the go all the time these days, "very very busy" is what Mitchell's mom and grandmother call it. She will cuddle up to you when she is tired or hurt but other than that she's happy to just explore this new freedom of hers and it makes me feel pretty sad. Breastfeeding used to be a nice way to connect with her even after she became mobile. She would settle down and be calm for however long she wanted to nurse. But that stopped at 9 months. When she weaned herself, because believe me it was not my choice, I felt very hurt and sad. I felt rejected and unnecessary and I missed my baby and that time together. So after that I began to hold her at night. When I went to bed I would pick up her little sleeping body, take her over to my bed and just lay down and hold her.
They say that just a mother's embrace can calm a restless child, ease any fear, settle any uneasiness in their baby. This is true. This is why that even adults seem to want their mothers when they are scared, sick or hurt. I know I have never called out for my mother as much as I did when I was in labor with Olivia. She couldn't do any more than Mitchell as far as easing the pain. But just having her there to reassure me that it was okay, that I could do this was more believable coming from her. We all need our mothers but I have found that I need Olivia just as much. When I have had a rough day, when I feel stressed out or sad I just wait for nighttime. I wait for the time when I can hold her while she sleeps. Feeling each rise and fall of her chest reassures me that it's okay, that I can do this. A calm washes over me and I just relax. I have found that as a mother I need Olivia probably just as much as she needs me. Nothing can ease my troubles as well as that heavily asleep little body molded against me feeling how her life connects to mine. How she is an extension of me that reassures me that I will never have to feel alone again. I am just so in love with that crazy baby...I hope she never leaves me :)
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