ZOE

So what I am a little late to update about Olivia's fabulous grandparent date night to Sesame St Live. So what if I have already posted like 60 pictures on Facebook all about it....

And in all my nearly 29 years of being Robert Larsen's daughter and begrudgingly listening to talk radio on all family road trips I learned one key catchy phrase....

"And now the rest of the story"....

So how was it that the Lovely no so little anymore Liv got to go to her first Arco Arena entertainment event? Oh here we go again

"And now the rest of the story"....

So Olivia loves Sesame St...namely Elmo...I mean honestly who doesn't love Elmo? He is just so cute and lovable! Well about a month ago the commercials started to play on the TV. And if Olivia was anywhere near the TV she would run over to the screen clapping her hands, stomping her little feet laughing. "Mo, Mo, Mo"...as Elmo would make his way onto the screen and then as the commercial ended with Big Bird, Elmo, Zoe and Rosita dancing away she would clap her little hands on either side of her cheeks (Home Alone style) and scream. SCREAM!!!!! Like a teeny bopper at a boy band concert...it was hilarious. That girl....I am telling you she has a personality that takes up all available space in the room! She is just SOOOOOOOOO the life of the party....not to mention she also plays the role of dramatic whiner in oscar worthy type performances that play out whenever she doesn't get what she wants.

So after many spectacles of her flair for the dramatics when the commercials would play, my mom asked me; "Do you think Olivia is old enough to go to Sesame St Live"? To which I responded with "Why are you thinking of taking her"....and the rest is history. So the tickets were bought and the plans were made for Olivia to go to her first ever "without mom" event. Ironically Olivia's Aunt Ashley has a friend named Dan would just became an Uncle...or Guncle if you follow the slang. He one night found me on Facebook chat and asked me if Olivia liked Sesame Street because he had bought his niece a really cute "Zoe" shirt. I said oh yeah she likes all the characters. A week or so later I get a message on my wall that says "I bought Olivia a present".

Then a few weeks after that before getting the gift my mom says "I have to find something cute for Olivia to wear to Sesame St Live". I told her about the shirt and then she decided Olivia needs a TUTU and leggings and bows and shoes and jewelry to dress up this Zoe shirt and make her look just like "Zoe" from Sesame St. And of course she already had a Zoe doll to which mom added a few bows and ribbon so that Olivia and Zoe would be expertly coordinated.

The day 0f the evening show didn't go so well nap-wise and I was more than a little concerned that Olivia might act like a complete crazed baby zombie psycho and the money spent on tickets would be a waste. The show started at 7 and for those of you who know LeeAnne you know she was out the door at 5. "What on earth are you going to do for like an hour a half before the show, she is tired....she might freak out. She needs another nap, maybe you should leave a bit later". Well of course I didn't win that argument and off they went. I spent the next 4 hours just wondering what on earth was going on with Miss Liv. I figured she would be either totally excited or completely terrified by these giant Sesame Street guys...did I mention they were in like the second row? I texted mother a few times and got no response and I suddenly wished I had taken my parents up on the offer of going along for the ride...I wanted to see how she responded to it all!

Mom, Dad and the Livers got home around 9 PM. Mitchell and I were at his parents house and we rushed over to be there when she arrived. Mom came in first...."She loved it!!!! LOVED IT! And everyone loved her outfit and wanted to buy her doll and she is passed out still in the car". I ran out there and sure enough....dead to the world pacifier off to the side of her mouth, she didn't even flinch when I opened the door and the light came on. I heard the telltale voices of talk radio 1160...well no wonder she is asleep! "So how did she like it Dad". Now those of you who know my dad know that he is surprisingly animated and hilarious in a subtle way "She was riveted, completely riveted by those Sesame St guys". Mitchell who was a little behind me on the way out to the garage wasn't close enough to hear what Dad was saying but started laughing as he saw my dad's hand gestures as he emphasized "Riveted".

So apparently she loved it, hardly moving the entire show besides laughing and clapping. And it wouldn't be Arco Arena if there wasn't alot of greasy crappy snacks to be purchased and consumed by my "go big or go home" mentality when it comes to snacks father. She had cotton candy, chicken nuggets, fries, popcorn, and Root Beer! Root Beer!!!!! Dad of course let this detail slip "Oh she kept swigging my Root Beer"...."you gave her Root Beer", I exclaimed!!!! "Oh she only had a little sip" claimed Mom...."oh she loved it, kept grabbing the straw and sipping away" dad laughed! Leave it to dad to give away all the gory details! Being a slave to soda myself I was appalled and horrified that she had had Root Beer but I guess all's well that ends well.

And of course there is no shortage of pictures!

Quitter

This post is about me, not Olivia. So if you frequent my blog just to get your photo fix of my beautiful child...this one is for you

Moving on....

So again this is a post about me. For as long as I can remember I have not been very good at a follow through. Unless it is something that I have no way of getting out of, I usually find myself being a "quitter".

Gymnastics-----quit

Dance class------quit

Piano lessons----quit

Drill team------well I didn't quit per say but I didn't try out again the next year

Swing Club at College----does never really participating count as quitting, like quitting before you even really began I guess.

Ricks College----quit

College in general.....well I am not going to say I have quit that because I have countless units put in at the community college and I do believe that I will finish...eventually.

So I tend to find myself getting bored, stressed out, overwhelmed and just giving up. If it's too hard I tend to take the easy way out. Where does this come from I often wonder, how did I develop this quality or is it something you are just born with? My mother reminds me that the only reason I endured pregnancy and then childbirth was because I had no other choice. If there was a way around it I, of all people, would have found that loophole. I am a pretty lazy person and I won't deny that truth. I mean once I get into a routine and used to something I can keep at it for as long as I need to...but change the game or direction even slightly and you might as well have cut both my legs off. Because change often paralyzes me.

I of course graduated from High School and have had steady jobs over the years. I mean I never thought about not graduating from High School. High school was easy for me and I did well because school has never really been anything I had to try to do well at, it just came easy to me. I always thought I would follow that through college...but with college there was something new in the game...free agency. There is no one making you go...you aren't required to be there from 8AM to 3PM. Sooooooooo you can guess what happened there....got out of a routine, wasn't legally obligated to be there, classes tend to be here and there and not within a structured amount of time.... yeah. I don't believe you have to be smart to graduate from college. I mean yes many smart people do, but I know some pretty dumb people with college degrees as well. I think the biggest quality that is developed in college, if you graduate, is the ability to stick to it. It's all about self-discipline and drive...something I find myself lacking. Something I would really like to find these days...in many aspects of my life.

So what does this have to do with what I am currently thinking about these days? EVERYTHING. It seems vain and self-absorbed to admit but I feel completely debilitated by the current state of my body. I just don't feel like myself. You see again I have never really had to try to maintain my weight. Yes I had gained weight over the years since High School. But when I graduated from High School I weighed 110 pounds and at almost 5'8....gaining 20 to 30 pounds over 10 years...well it's to be expected, I became a woman. Oh how cheezy, but it's true I was just a little girl at 17....there was no where on my body that could be described as "Womanly". So before becoming pregnant I was a happy size 6-9, depending on the clothing brand. I wasn't completely satisfied with my body, but it was never anything I felt I had to act on.

Then pregnancy and weight gain and boobs and hips and urghhhhh. Not to mention that Olivia's first year of life has been quite the emotional roller coaster for me (both being a new mother and also in my personal life)....I spent most of the time trying to hang on for dear life through all the dips and climbs...I didn't have the emotional energy to do much else. Then I stopped breast feeding and although everyone claims I look the same...I swear I have gained weight since I stopped nursing. I NEVER EVER NEVER weigh myself so I wouldn't actually know. But I hate the way things look these days. I don't suppose I can do anything about the larger chest...but it is way past the time to do something about the things I can change.

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!

I don't even know how many pounds I would need to lose to be that size, I am not really sure how much I weigh now or what I weighed then....I spent my entire pregnancy looking the other way when I was weighed. I know I gained 28 pounds, cause that is what my doctor told me...but I don't know the exact numbers. And I know I have clearly lost weight after giving birth. But for my own vanity and feelings of self-worth....I need to be at least the size I was before Olivia...smaller than that would be nice but let's not get too crazy here...remember I am lazy! SOOOOOOO I have been doing the treadmill thing....walking at a fast pace, maybe running one day...I hope.

Here is hoping that I don't quit this time. I feel so lost in my body these days, I just want to feel like myself again. I don't think that is too much to ask....

Hot funk, cool punk, even if it's old junk...It's still rock n roll to me

Remember before you ever had a baby and you had all kinds of ideas about the way you would raise your child? Remember you would think of all the things you felt like you didn't have as a kid and you vowed it would be different when you were a parent? Not that I lacked anything in the way of physical possessions or emotional needs as a child. But there were things I noticed in other families that didn't play a role in mine and I felt like I missed out. Namely...Music.

My best friend growing up was named Rachel and she lived up the street from me. I would spend many days and nights reveling in the things she had in her family or at her house that I didn't have in mine. She had a lot of siblings, I didn't. She had a pool, I didn't. She had a dog, I didn't. She had a huge library of VHS tapes categorized by age appropriateness and themes, I didn't. And the one thing I know I didn't really pay attention to as a kid but recognized later upon reflection, she knew all about the music her parents liked and played as a young couple. The Carpenters, Air Supply, Boston, Chicago, ABBA, Neil Diamond....etc. And I didn't.


When I got to an age where music become a big part of my life I remember thinking that one day when I had a child she would know all about what kinds of music I listened to while she grew up. She would later hear that music and immediately feel nostalgic of me as her mother, or Mitchell and I as her parents. Because if you asked me what kinds of music my parents enjoyed when I was a kid...I could probably name The Beach Boys for Dad and Barbara Streisand for Mom? Other than those two I can't really remember having a clear idea about what their musical tastes consisted of. That last sentence was pretty bad english/grammer...oh well. I know Mom also seemed to listen to alot of Andrew Llyod Webber showtunes and I definitely have a clear association with talk radio and my dad.


I guess if I had anything close to music conjuring up childhood nostalgia it would be thanks to my older brother. If I hear U2, Depeche Mode, Erasure, Tony Tony Tone, The Proclaimers...Well Eric in his pegged pants, Bolos, and wanna be Bono black cowboy hat driving around in his talking brown Nissan Maxima comes to mind. And or course we can't forget about the Bugle Boy Sweaters and Arnette sunglasses, no that would be a tragedy to forget those gems of early nineties fashion! I guess having a sibling 6 years older than you kinda makes them in a way as influential as a parent. I still listen to U2 and Depeche Mode while my sellout brother moved to Idaho and has became a country fan....lol!

At any rate I always figured I would play the kind of music I enjoyed for Olivia. Then when Olivia was born I realized that alot of the music I enjoy wasn't something necessarily appropriate for a baby to listen to...Radiohead, The Violent Femmes, Queen, Janis Joplin...not always a soothing influence on a baby and the name of the game as a new parent tends to be SOOTHE, SOOTHE, and more SOOTHING. But lately as Mitchell and I seem to be in the possession of a 2010 Toyota Prius with all the bells and whistles...including a CD player and MP3 player and Olivia being older now...playing her the kinds of music I love seem to be realistic. (Run on sentence there). And no we didn't buy a new car per say. Last year with the whole "Cash for Clunkers" program Mitch traded in his old BMW for a new car for his parents, they would give him money for the discount they got for his old car. Since it was Mitch's "Clunker" and the Prius would be for his dad both of their names ended up on the paperwork and ownership of the Prius. Well long story short Mitch sold the truck, his VW Van broke down, my car is a ticking time bomb and his parents decided they didn't need three cars.


SOooooooo Mitch took over the Prius. Since Mitch is gone out of town for work 5 days a week, I drive the Prius more than anyone else. Its amazing the freedom of mind that comes with a car that I don't have to second guess every weird noise or constantly be checking the temperature gauge. A car that has AC and doesn't feel like "Mr Toad's Wild Ride" when traveling at a speed above 25 MPH.


So I am now starting to feel excited about making special playlists of music I love for Olivia to listen to and grow up with. I figure we will leave out The Radiohead, Violent Femmes and punk music for now. We will start slow, happy and mellow. Cat Stevens sounds like a good place to begin.....happy face!

"Ohhhh baby baby it's a wild world"

I would like to...

Write something...but as of late I cannot think of anything useful to say...Maybe we could do this as a list. Since the biggest thing happening in my life as of lately was attending Mitch's brother Mike's Wedding, most of this will probably be about that.

1. I think Mike and Karen's wedding was the most beautiful and personalized weddings I have had the pleasure of attending. (now now family remember I am not allowed inside the temple to attend your weddings, soooo don't be offended).




2. Mike and Karen wrote their own vows which were very sweet. My favorite thing, that I can remember through trying not to cry and look like an idiot was when they asked eachother if they would take one another as their spouse instead of the officiant asking them. Example; Mike says "Karen will you take me as your husband"...so sweet.






3. I can't imagine Mike and Karen ever fighting. I mean most couples you see who are clearly in love you can recognize oh well so and so has this temper and he/she is touchy about that, but with Mike and Karen, really nothing comes to mind that could cause tension or friction...ironically I can't imagine a day when Mitchell and I would have nothing to argue about...I guess it keeps things interesting.


*in may be important to note that I really don't know Mike or Karen all that well. I have dated Mitch for close to 8 years and have only really been around Mike on holidays and special events in like the last 2-3 years. Mike seems to be a calming influence in the sibling dynamic, while I would not describe the rest of the Benveniste children with such a mild word, lol. Maybe because he is the oldest, I don't know. Karen I have only visited with a handful of times, she works ALOT. But Karen has always been warm and kind towards me. And Karen loves my child. Sometimes that's all you need to know someone's heart. As a mother when I see someone take the time to interact with my baby and dote on her, it speaks volumes about that person's character.



4. Olivia IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY... I mean have you seen these wedding pictures of the child...flawless!






5. Tony (Mitch's dad) told me that he has always seen me as his daughter and always will...this I had to hold back the urge to cry...I love the Benvenistes...dramatics, fighting, dysfunction and all!






6. Sometimes I wonder how Mitchell came from Sue and Tony...they seem most of the time complete opposites...Then again I sometimes wonder how I came from my mother, we are not much alike. Now there is no denying I am in most aspects a clone of my father.



7. I wonder if Olivia will be like me, I wonder if she will one day wonder where on earth she came from, if she will feel that we are nothing alike.



8. I hope Olivia takes all of my good qualities and blends that together with all of Mitch's good qualities and of course stirs that all in with her own qualities and becomes just a wonderful human being. I am sure she will have flaws but I hope they are not inherited or learned from Mitchell or I.



9. Mike and Karen are not religious. Their wedding was free of any mention of God...and I didn't even notice, Mitch pointed it out. I didn't feel like anything was missing from their wedding, what does that say about me? What does that say in general?



10. I feel tired all the time. I am tired of feeling tired.



11. Will I ever get married? Do I want to get married? Sometimes it's hard to know what I want and distinguish it from what everyone else wants for me. Sometimes it feels like a lot to live up to and I don't deal well with pressure.



12. Mike and Karen's wedding made me feel like I do want to get married...but if Mitch and I do marry one day how will that even work with all the religious differences. And by differences I mean neither of us is religious in the traditional sense of the word, however I will admit this. Mitch still claims to be Catholic for life, when was the last time he was in Church?



13. Karen once told me she grew up in a completely secular home, no religion whatsoever. Karen is super successful and well adjusted and a wonderful person...which leads me to wonder, is religion as really necessary as my parents always tell me it is? This of course refers to Olivia and what sort of idea of God I should be instilling in her.



14. And how am I supposed to instill God into my child when I am not all too sure exactly what I make of him?



15. I mean I do believe in God, I really think that I do which I couldn't say before becoming a mother...how can you give birth to another human being and not feel like it had to be about something more that just yourself creating this baby? But to what extent and how it applies to me and my life is yet remain unseen.

(Look at the perfection in just her tiny hand, that couldn't have been all me, I know me and I am not that much of a perfectionist...somebody went over the finer details)

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm well I think that's all I got...