Last night was not unlike any other...except it was the first night in about a week that Olivia has slept in her crib and not her playpen. After a week of Mitch working locally and spending the night at the Benveniste house almost every day. Then the weekend of traveling to LA for Erica and Eric's wedding. That's right Mitchell's cousin Erica married someone named Eric...pretty funny and cute. Olivia was finally back home at Nana's house and sleeping in her crib...not in a carseat, not a playpen and not in between Mitch and I. I made sure she had two solid naps yesterday knowing she was mentally and physically pretty worn out from the weekend celebration and all the hours spent in a carseat. She napped pretty well and after a dinner of baked fish, peas and applesauce she was in bed around 8 pm.
She didn't make a fuss just snuggled up to her Pluto pillow pet, looped her fingers into the tags of her Taggie blanket and after checking to make sure she had her stockpile of pacifiers and Stuffy was nearby...I shut the door and she quietly drifted off to sleep. I went to bed around 11:30. As I laid in bed, not really all that tired I listened to Olivia thrash around in her crib. She can be quite the wild sleeper when she is overstimulated. She wasn't awake, just restless in her bed.
A few hours later I am awoken by a weak whimper...followed by thrashing. I think she is probably just dreaming and will settle down. After some consistent thrashing she begins to cry. Then she starts crying my name....while just plain old regular crying can be kinda ignored when she crys out my name "Mommy, Mommy, Moooooooomeeeeee", that is the worst. Then she says it "No paci Mommy, No paci, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, paci, paci, paci Mommy". At first I am not sure if that is what she is really saying but I get up in the dark and go to her. My fingers fumble around through the sea of blankets, stuffed animals and pillow pets and I can't find her pacifier. She grabs ahold of my arms in the darkness and more calmy whines "Mommy, paci...paci Mommy", sure enough I can't find one. Which seems completely crazy since every night I put her to bed with at least three in her crib, not to mention others she seems to hide in the crevices between the crib bumper and the rails. I finally find one on the floor and give it to her, through her pacifiered mouth she says "dank u Mommy".
And of course she wants to be held after such traumatic events of not being able to find a pacifier. And of course I try three times to lay her down after she has fallen back to sleep and of course everytime she wakes up and starts to cry more dramatically than I have ever heard her cry. Finally after some Motrin and a bottle she goes all limp and twitchy and I know this time she won't protest me laying her down alone in her crib.
I fall back to sleep.
Now here I am wondering if what I heard was really "paci"....oddly enough while she talks non-stop and will attempt usually successfully to say any word you ask she has never referred to her pacifier as anything. She usually just points at it when she wants it. And usually she has been given it during stressful moments without having to ask for it. Hmmmmmmm. So here is what I know.
I know she loves her Pacifier.
I know she rarely ever refuses it.
I know she is cutting teeth pretty aggressively and therefore wants it more.
I know toddlers can become addicted to pacifiers.
I know she has never fallen asleep without it...well that's not true. She used to fall asleep while nursing...but kept her mouth securely latched on. Hmmmm and about the time she stopped breastfeeding was when she gained such an affinity for pacifiers.
So while I have heard my mother's warning about weaning her off of pacifiers because she will become too attached I am still wondering if it is really a problem with my Olivia. I have also heard warnings that pacifiers can contribute to delayed speech...well that is definitely not a problem she never shuts up! Then of course the crooked teeth factor....whatever hers are barely crooked and I think they look cuter this way.
However last night's dramatics was the first time I ever really acknowledged that maybe she has become too reliant on the pacifier.
Selfishly I am not ready for her to be done with the paci. Dare I say I like that she still uses a pacifier? I think she looks like a baby and extra cute with it in her mouth. When I have to, every couple of days, do a pacifier roundup...gather all her pacifiers from their usual hidding spots, I feel a weird sense of happiness and calm to see so many pacifiers in one place. Green, pink, purple soothies all layed out to be washed otherwise they would be covered in hair, crumbs and dust. They look like a bouquet of flowers.
There has only been one occasion that I regretted pacifiers. It was at Mitch's brother's wedding. Olivia was sooooo tired and just over all the action that the only way to keep her quiet and calm was to give her the pacifier. So upon looking at pictures of her at the wedding and seeing just how many pictures contain the paci as well....I kinda cringed...."Urghhh I should have taken it away and the pictures would have been so much cuter". Actually I think I was in the presence of Mitchell's mom and felt some sort of moral obligation to express my feigned disgust for her pacifier dependancy, embarrassed to admit that I actually don't see a problem with pacifiers. You see I remembered when she was a newborn and Mitchell and I would try in vain to shove a pacifier in her mouth Sue would always exclaim "Oh get that damn pacifier out of her mouth". To my surprise when I mentioned that the pictures would be better without the paci, Sue just said "Oh it's not a big deal, it's cute actually".
So here we are...a week or so shy of 18 months and the pacifier problem is just becoming more intense...and I say....
Who Cares!!!!!!
C'est La Vie!
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