Last Names

So when Olivia was born there was a big debate as to what her last name would be. Well basically just a big debate or rather an issue with my Mother. Well probably my entire family but she is the only one who seemed to express this concern verbally. Since Mitchell and I are not married she thought Olivia should have my last name. Come to think of it nobody mentioned the last name thing on Mitch's side...and all Mitch ever said was that is was up to me but he would like her to have his last name. Back then in my pregnant mind and after birth sentimentalities I figured that Mitch and I would get married one day...probably soon, Ha!. So what was the use in giving her my last name if we would eventually get married and then would have to change it again. So she was given Mitchell's last name.

I didn't realize the weirdness this would be in my life until a bit later. Whenever I filled out any forms or doctor records they would ask her name and then the parent responsible for their name. So there it was on paper in front of me...Mitchell and Olivia had the same last name and there I was all alone with Larsen. It was weird. And more and more time passed and it became kinda evident that my last name was not going to be changing anytime soon...if ever. It made me feel stupid...why didn't I give her my last name? Mostly I didn't because I had been Larsen all my life and Emily Larsen at that and it seemed so plain so boring. Mitch's name seemed so much more exotic so she became Olivia Marie Benveniste just for the sound of it. Then I kinda forgot about it for a while...didn't care that her last name was different...except when I thought about how one day she would be in school and she wouldn't have the same last name as me and then I would feel sad all over again. I have gone back a forth the past 2 1/2 years caring and not caring about the decision to give her someone else's last name and not my own. Something has happened recently that has brought it all to light again.

Olivia knows her name. If you ask her what her name is she will tell you "Wivia Benvnissy"...if you ask her what daddy's name is she says "Mitchell Benvnissy". I don't know how she figured that her and daddy have the same last name...no one ever told her she just seemed to know. If you ask her mommy's name she says "Emly Benvnissy". Somehow in her little 2 year old head she knows that Mommies and Daddies and babies have the same last name. It's amazing really that she made that connection without anyone pointing it out. But herein lies the problem. That is not my name and I feel like I should correct her, but at the same time I don't want to confuse her...I don't want her to know that sometimes Mommies and Daddies don't have the same last name. Mitchell will tell her "that's right, that's Mommy's name", and this kinda makes me mad. Mad because he doesn't know how it feels that I am the lone Larsen, mad that I have put her in a situation that is confusing, mad that it has been him mostly that has kept us from not all having the same last name and here he is boldly telling her a lie. I don't know...I just don't know if I should correct her or not. Like I have said before I don't see a time where Mitch and I won't be a couple, but I don't know if we will ever get married. I guess it's just another one of those times where I am reminded that my child is different from a lot of kids out there and all of her family. And Mitchell and I did this to her...and it makes me sad.