Itty Bitty Pretty One: Neurotic New Mom + Overactive Imagination = Images of Horror!

So I have been a Mother for nearly three months...almost a year if you count gestation. And so far the pros certainly outweigh the cons. But with a baby or just the pregnant belly you seem to discover all these new qualities you never had before. Qualities may not be the right word. What's another way to describe your capacity to worry or obsess over things? Well whatever that word may be apply it here.

Well like I was saying...ever since becoming pregnant I have found myself worrying about everything and anything as it applies to Olivia. Strange things I would have never thought twice about before I obsess over.

While pregnant it was images of weird and rare deformities. Which was usually exaggerated by watching all those baby birthing shows on the discovery channel where inadvertently at least one baby per episode is born with some sort of problem. Water on the brain, the intestines being on the outside instead of the inside, heart defects, cleft palates, anything tramatic or devastating you name it Olivia might have it. This of course was alleviated once she was born and was...not to brag but perfect!

Now there is this whole new worry. Most of it involving falling or being dropped. Here is how it all began...

I took the baby into my old place of employment. She was in her carseat in a shopping cart but of course we had to unstrap her and take her out so people could get a better look at her. Then we shopped while the baby was set back in her carseat. Upon leaving the store and going to load the carseat back in the car I suddenly remembered she was only laying in her seat and not strapped in. I remembered so all was well and good but I freaked out anyway. I had all these horrifying images of what if I had not remembered...what if Mitch had not? The thoughts of that sweet little head upon the parking lot pavement....Oh! I can't even say it but like I said before HORRIFYING IMAGES. I have seen way too many horror movies...blood, guts and just a general plethora of gore that it is not a hard vision to conjure up in my mind. I remember as a kid in church being taught that you should not watch bad movies (violence, sex. etc) because those images become imprinted on your mind and you will always remember them. You know I must say church had that right.

So ever since then I have these flashes here and there of my baby falling out of her carseat...or getting in a car accident, or somebody dropping her, or things falling on her. I will start to freak out with these thoughts and mental pictures of all these possible fatal disfiguring scenarios and literally start to weep. Nothing has happened and I cry as though it already has. Just the thought of any part of that perfect little face or pristine tiny body getting damaged is enough to make me mental.

A few years back I was in the unfortunate position of seeing a little kitten die. It was tramatizing and a image I will never forget. I don't really want to go into it because it really caused nightmares for weeks. But long story short little kittens are always getting under your feet and if you are not careful you could step on the quick little things. Now before you think I am a kitten murderer let me just say it wasn't me. But I saw it happen and it was HORRIBLE, it was an accident but seriously I never want to see anything like that again.