Playing "my heart bleeds for you"
Allow me a moment to feel sorry for myself...
I am feeling down lately. I think because it's summer and the heat makes me really irritable and add to that the fact that since Olivia is almost 4 months old it's really not socially acceptable to wear pj pants all day long anymore...I feel like I have nothing to wear.
All my pre-pregnant clothes fit but i just feel like they don't look right on me anymore.And this I never thought I would ever complain about....being a rather small chested girl for the past 27 years....but....
I HATE HAVING BIGGER BOOBS!
I hate it! They are so big, well big for me and what I was used to before. And especially in this sweltering heat...they just feel sweaty and huge and urghhhh I miss not having to always wear a bra. Not to mention I hate nursing bras! Maybe there are some normal ones out there but these quasi sport bra soft things just feel yucky and tight. I feel like my boobs are squished as opposed to lifted up...what a bra is supposed to do. I have tried other brands and kinds but none seem to feel comfortableI feel so insecure in my own skin...no cute clothes to wear, gross huge boobs, everything feels tight and restricting.....aghhhhhhh!!!!!!
As far as my body is concerned I know it wouldn't take much effort to lose some weight to make the clothes fit the way they used to...but I literally feel like I never have the time...it's stupid!
Then there is my hair....oh man....will I ever be happy with my hair? It seems like an impossible dream....I had it cut shortly after Liv was born and well it was a disaster. Mitch's sister did it and she went to hair school and everything and she does everyone else's hair so well...but mine was uneven and choppy and I HATED IT! Having faith that she could fix it I let her try to even out the layers and well now it's just shorter and worse...then there's the color. Hmmmmffft I think I need a new paragraph to discuss the color...
Well on the insistence of Mitchell and my mother I did not dye my naturally dirty dark blond hair during my pregnancy...well at least not the last three months of it anyways. This resulted in massive roots. So since I am cheap I dyed it myself after she was born and since the bottom was already light it just got lighter while the root area just turned a weird reddish blond....so to wrap it up it's short, uneven and two-toned. Actually three toned because it has grown since that initial dye job 2 months ago so it's like a weird blond Neapolitan ice cream thing...dirty blond, strawberry blond and light blond. I should just dye it dark...what I wanted to do in the first place but thought since the majority of it was already so light it would be easier to just go that route...
Next everyone told me that my hair would fall out after pregnancy. When it didn't happen I figured maybe I just was lucky or something. Well nobody told me that it would happen like 3 and a half months after the birth. I am not going bald by any means because I already have pretty thick hair but there is hair everywhere. I always find it on my shoulder, in my bed, on the floor, all over Olivia's things, usually in Olivia's hands and crevices...in my crevices. It's so annoying that when I run my hands through my hair there is always at least 6-7 strands of hair in between my fingers. Then when I wash it...oh man tons of hair just falls out. I don't care that it's falling out because my volume of hair really doesn't feel any different...i just hate it because it's just gross!
Also I have pretty much stopped wearing make-up...stopped at about 7 months pregnant...who cares right? Well I am beginning to think I should start wearing it again but I feel like a 12 year old not knowing how or what to do with eye shadow or liner or anything anymore.
Somebody call "What Not To Wear" for me...I need help!
That and feel sorry for me because that is the point of all this complaining.
Could somebody remind me of who I used to what and what I used to look like because these days I just feel like a beast!
Oh, Emily. That is the joy of a mother! Some moms are back to normal and feel great after birth, but the majority don't! Give yourself nine months to a year to feel normal again. You need to get dressed and put some make up on cause that makes you feel better. As for the boobs, I feel your pain! I was nursing at Tahoe and it was so dang hot! Hang in there it is worth nursing. Oh, the things we do as mothers. Your hair will stop falling out soon and then you'll get the nice new growth, that is worse than falling out hair.
ReplyDeleteDye your hair dark, you'll like it. Get out of the house, you need to. Come to Utah next week and take a break and see all of us...we would LOVE it!