I don't know when babies begin to consciously recognize emotions in other people. I mean I know they can pick up on emotions but I don't know when they begin to show empathy for other people. Recognize when they are sad and try to cheer them up.
Today as I nursed Olivia I was upset about an argument with Mitchell from the night before and started to cry.
She pulled away from eating and looked up at me with concern in her eyes.
Maybe it was my imagination but I really felt like she was trying to show me that she cared that I was sad.
She looked up at me with such love in her eyes and then reached her little hand up towards my face.
It warmed my heart to know that no matter how alone I was feeling because of her I will never be alone again.
As someone who has struggled with remaining positive and being happy in the past it has been some time since I let myself give into those sad feelings.
I have been so focused on being pregnant and then having the baby and trying to take care of her as best as I could that any fears or sadness I had about the future have been brushed aside. I have to remember and remind myself that I am more of a grown up now than I have ever been and as a mother I don't have the luxury of mental illness anymore.
No more dramatics... no more sad days, because it isn't about me anymore...I wish the other half of this parent equation could share this same realization...sometimes I feel like he just can't deal with the fact that he has to be a grown up now.
He has good days and bad days and I understand that it must be frustrating to have a college degree but be unable to get a "real" job.
I understand how scary it is to realize that no matter what your life will never be the same. To realize that your life can't be that spontaneous or unpredictable as you may like.
I love my baby.
I know he does too.
Things have just been hard the past month or so.
I don't know what to do.
I don't see a good solution to any of it.
But I can't be sad. I have to pull it together and rise above it...
Something I have never really done or been good at.
But I have to for her.
And on those particularly hard days when I have to silently and calmly cry it out...it's nice to know that Olivia cares...
It's nice to know she will always be there for me.
Isn't it amazing...the love that over-takes you when you have a child??
ReplyDeleteLittle Liv loves her Mommy, and is lucky to have you. You are a good Mom! Things will work out. It is hard growing up, but the benefits are worth it, for sure.